THE GOOD WAYS

With the economic downturn taking its toll on employment in the US, would you be surprised if you were told that Americans are looking for a GOOD job?

What’s new? One would wonder. Wasn’t that happening all the time?
Except that a GOOD job that we are learning about now, is a “Get Out Of Debt” job.

While most orthodox Indians have been shunning debt and viewing it as a burden, Americans have been known to have embraced the idea of being perpetually in debt so much so that…. “until debt do us apart”, was perhaps the only foreseeable end of the hugging enchantment for it. Living beyond their means had been a way of life encouraged by one and all.

So when one learns that Americans are looking for a GOOD job, one wonders whether a well paying job to settle the debts would really work? Or will they, having heaved themselves a few notches up, go for bigger loans to enter a higher spiral or orbit?

But the world is really worried, not because they might get into the Debt trap again, but because they wouldn’t get enticed by it. Because if they do turn over a new leaf, live within their means and spend within their means, it will mean an economic downturn will affect China, India and the emerging markets.

So many people depend on their not-so-GOOD ways of life! Not to worry – it is very difficult to get out of habits – especially bad ones. It is as difficult as it is to get into good ones though.

You may have learnt about the how this wonderful little word sticks on to us:
HABIT
Remove H, A BIT still remains.
Remove A, BIT still remains.
Now, remove B, and IT still remains!

So millions of people living in emerging economies live in the hope that Americans will not change their ways and continue to spend. But wouldn’t this change only cause a temporary drop in the economic activity, eventually continuing to grow once the ‘adjustment’ to the new way of life is complete? Would not the new way of life find Americans steer clear of going overboard and do away with ‘NINJA’ loans (‘No-Income-No-Jobs or Assets’ loans) that eventually led to the economic collapse?

It is commonly observed that it is easy to get into any situation and difficult to get out of it. Just as Americans are finding it difficult to get out of debt, several Indians investing in equities, are finding themselves in the same predicament. There are loads and loads of experts to advise how to invest, but not a single soul to advise when or how to exit from it. So we find millions of small investors trapped in the share market. However, we can take respite in the statistics which tells us that not more than 5% of Indians have entered the equity markets.

So where are these remaining 95% Indians trapped, if not in equities and debts? Perhaps in vices like excessive spending, smoking, drinking, tobacco or god forbid, even drugs. Several such habits that tempt us along life’s path. You can choose your ‘drug’ – your opiate, as in your chosen substance or habit that gives you “a high” or “a kick”, that you must have or partake. You can spend your lifetime in it – until it kicks you. You will find yourself in a situation like Abhimanyu did, in the epic Mahabharata, who knew how to get into the battlefield - but not how to come out of it. Perhaps this episode cited in the great epic is a symbolic message to us all to avoid the several traps in our life’s path.

But there is hope for those who wish to come out of this chakravyuha - you can choose to lead a GOOD life – a Get Out Of Drugs (drug= your opiate) life. When enemies are within, one finds it difficult to strike. Difficult choices exist, if one is determined, one can break free and Get Out Of Disaster.

Countries get into war-like situations in much the same way. War seems like the only solution. Countries get into one without knowing how they will come out of it. Getting into a war is easy, getting out of it isn’t. War can mean Devastation, Destruction, Destabilization. Oh, so many D’s to eventually get out of! Yet, we find ourselves wanting to get into this situation – without knowing for how long and how to get out of it!

The terror attacks in Mumbai, has angered us all. We want action against terrorists. We want to carry out a precise surgical attack on terrorist camps. We are not against any country but what lies within it. Surprisingly, Pakistan, India, US, the entire world wants to take action against terrorists, but they don’t join hands in doing so. We have a common enemy, but we don’t fight together. We fight each other. Because that is something we know how to do. But there is no expert to tell us how to fight a faceless, nameless phenomenon called Terrorism. We need to learn to fight the scourge of terrorism together. For which we need to first Get Out Of Disputes amongst ourselves. There is always a first time. And most importantly, there is still some hope.

Wishing all people Getting Out Of D's GOOD luck!

Wishing you all a Happy New Year 2009!

Hope the New Year shows us some GOOD ways of living together

‘GOOD’ as in Get Out Of Dangerous ways of living!


Blogger's Postscript 1: Disclaimer - There are exceptions to the observations. If it does not apply to anyone, it is for this very reason. A few exceptions often go to prove the overall trends cited.
Blogger's Postscript 2: Recent events have compelled me to post some of my thoughts related to important matters that affect our life. Do expect some of these off and on and not as another attempt at 'di-worse-ification'.

Kasab is not a Pakistani!

I would like to begin my post with the findings of a little bit of reading and a small study, that I conducted recently, which incidentally, is also the title.

The result:
Kasab is not a Pakistani!

Already I can imagine a crowd in front of me shouting:
“How come?”
“Are you influenced by one Mr. AR Antulay?”
“You’re out of your mind!”
“You’re a traitor!”
“You are with the enemy country!”
“Are you joining politics?”

Why, not only my own friends and fellow bloggers, well-wishers, even my own family members might launch a counter-attack on my utterance! My wife would say, “Enough of that What nonsanz, now, this is getting too much!”

My daughter, in her inimitable style would say, “Oh, You’ve lost it all!”

But let me repeat it for you:
Kasab is not a Pakistani!

What makes me arrive at such an unpopular, outrageous, ridiculous conclusion? Do I have any evidence to this so -called finding?

Of course I do. To understand what I mean, read the news item that appeared in the newspapers after Amir Ajmal or Mohammad Ajmal or Mohammad Ajmal Iman …..or whatever his name…(several newspapers are calling him by different names), was caught alive after the CST killings in Mumbai.

Perhaps you have read it too!

But I reproduce the relevant text below for you:

Excerpt from the article below:
According to a source, when the crime branch personnel asked Ajmal Amir for his surname, he said he didn't have one. This put the policemen in a quandary as the officials always record the surname of a complainant in the FIR.

They then used the "Indian way'' to get around this hurdle. As several Indians have derived their surnames from their traditional profession-such as Mali for gardners, Kumbhare for potters among others-the policemen decided to do the same with Mohammed Ajmal.

They asked him for his father's profession and learnt that he was a butcher-the officials then entered his surname as Kasab (Urdu for butcher).

Ok, so there you have it!

Kasab is not his name. He got it here from the Mumbai Police! They christened him!

I wonder if they had a small little ceremony, perhaps not, since the TV didnt cover it!
But their seniors must have loved the name.
The electronic media certainly loved the name.
The newspapers too loved the name.
Mind you, each and every newspaper and TV channel calls him Kasab!
Kasab - nothing else!

That’s not all.
The Indian Government loved the name.
Everyday they claim “Kasab is a Pakistani!”

And guess what? The Pakistani Government loved it too!
Oh they just loved us for that favor!
Every day they emphasise:
“Kasab is not a Pakistani!”
Because there was no person by name of “Kasab” involved in the terror attack!
They may have looked up the record of those born and/or residing in Faridkot by the name of "Kasab". So that one could stand the most stringent international scrutiny!

The Pak Government is now happily chanting
“Kasab is not a Pakistani!”
So isnt that right?

They are only saying “Kasab is not a Pakistani”. Nothing else!

Because, my dear ones, the arrested terrorist, is not “Kasab”.

If the report about the origin of the new name, ‘Kasab’, awarded by the Mumbai Police is true, which I suppose it would be, would it not have been better to have avoided its reference in future news items? Would it not be prudent to stick to the name declared by the arrested individual in all future legal proceedings instead of the name thrust upon him?

I do hope you will not ask, “What’s in a name?”

So, until the authorities put an end to what they gave birth to on Indian soil, which I very much hope they do, let me say "Merry Christmas, 'Kasab'!". After all it is just a brand new name!

I hope things are set right and that I wouldn't have to wish 'Kasab' for the coming new year too!

To end my post, I cite a quote that comes to mind:
I tell you everything that is really nothing, and nothing of what is everything, do not be fooled by what I am saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I am not saying. ~Charles C. Finn

Vote for me @ Dubbagol!

The Satyam about a Monkey attack!

Just to prove Charles Darwin and his theory of evolution wrong, several humans are making rapid progress in the opposite direction.

Last Sunday morning, during my morning walk in the Sanjay Gandhi National Park at Borivli, I decided to buy some ‘tadgolas’ – those juicy small fruits that grow on palm trees! I bought some for me and my family on my way back from the vendor inside the park. Within a few minutes, I saw a couple of monkeys as I usually do at that spot. But this time, they saw me! They began running towards me – one from the front and another from my right side. Immediately, I could see them eyeing the parcel of fruits I was carrying. At once, I realized that they would snatch it away…the plastic bag was flimsy and it would be a matter of moments before the simian offender would successfully pull it away. In order to avoid the impending attack, I threw the plastic bag away and the monkeys chased the bag and helped themselves, as I hurried away.

I turned behind to see if anyone had seen my predicament. Yes, there was this guy, who complimented me for my presence of mind and throwing away the parcel! It all had happened so suddenly that I wished I could take a picture of the monkeys, but then I may have lost something more valuable too…besides it happened all to fast!

So I took another round and came back to take a pic of one eating my tadgola!


The incident reminded me of the recent attempt to frisk away the cash sitting in the books of Satyam Computers Ltd. How different was it from the above cited experience? Wasn’t I thinking my purchase was safe since I had paid for it and that I would be sharing it with my family and not some monkey and his kin and kith? Wasn’t the monkey in the process of executing its plan without even a cursory request to me to handover what it needed? Wasn’t my feeling of security just a myth and wasn’t this monkey showing it to me in galloping glory that it wasn’t? What would happen if I had to complain about the monkey to the park authorities? Would they not tell me that there was no legal recourse to monkeys stealing fruits in the park – that there weren’t sufficient provisions in the law to protect me from monkey attacks? Wouldn’t I feel that “Ok, this one was not destined for my tummy?” And say “Daane Daane pe likha hai khanewale ka naam”.., which means, every grain bears the name of the person destined to eat it!

The small investors’ plight is no better. The management planned to ‘di-worse-ify’ into hitherto unrelated areas and defraud individual investors for the benefit of the promoters and projects taken up by the promoter’s sons. Misplaced feelings of security in equity and professional management can result in the same loss or theft. Wouldn’t you be holding dud shares, while the contents – the cash sitting in the books - have been wiped out surreptitiously?

The two incidents have several dissimilarities too. For one, human beings are supposed to be civilized and not expected to behave like simians living in forests. Secondly, you have trusted the management to take care of your fruits of labor - the amounts involved are huge probably part of your lifetime savings not just a snacking fruit for a Sunday morning. Moreover thankfully they could not pull it off due to the uproar in the media! The only regret was that the merged entity “Satyam-Maytas” would have been a perfect palindrome!

But individual investors suffered anyway – from the loss due to the fall in the share prices on the stock market as global investors lost confidence in the management of the company. Finally I thanked god for not having invested in Satyam shares. For if I did, I would have to say “Aane aane pe likha hai paanewale ka naam”, which means, every anna (an old 6-paisa coin) bears the name of who will earn it! (My own coinage!...there he goes again!)

As I write this post, CNN IBN is announcing the ban imposed by World Bank on the company on account of data theft, bribery and god-knows-what-else!Which is why I said at the very beginning,
“Just to prove Charles Darwin and his theory of evolution wrong, several humans are making rapid progress in the opposite direction”

As I turned back to go, with the thoughts of betrayal of trust on part ot the Satyam management, I saw a grazing young deer cross the road peacefully in front of me. It walked slowly unmindful of me approaching it. Trust the innocent young deer to show its faith in me. The grown up ones always scamper away when they see me coming! Dear deer!

Anagram Genius in Mumbai!

For someone who has been fascinated with words and the finer nuances of language, solving crosswords have been a learning process apart from being recreationally satisfying. When in school, I was learning to crack the grid like puzzles which would appear in newspapers from my seniors. That is when I learnt about anagrams.

So when we children were invited to play a game named “Treasure Hunt” in which places in and around the Saraswat Colony, Santacruz, Mumbai (that is where I lived and grew up for 30 years) were to be discovered through clues, one could easily crack one: “Banana Rack” – quickly we headed to the newly opened Canara Bank branch in the vicinity!

For anyone with a passion for crossword puzzles, anagrams would be elementary stuff. Your heart could turn to earth; you may have married your admirer. To most of us, nuclear deals would be unclear deals. You would flaunt your skills so much so that your talent would no longer be latent. You would certainly know that Parliament consists of Partial men, and that Clint Eastwood represents Old West Action and unanimously agree that Mother-in-law is really Woman Hitler!

Back then, without the aid of anagram generators, one would find the hooked ones jot down a set of letters in random fashion and set a-thinking. No clue? Jumble them up once again – all with a pencil and paper - until you either crack it or discover that the clue was not an anagram trick this time around! Jumbling at a click of a mouse was not possible, as is possible now! Those of you who have played a game of “Twirl” on Facebook, in which you form words from a set given alphabets, you will know what I mean.

One of the early anagrams I was fascinated with was the title of a lesson in our text-book “Flit on Cheering Angel”, a lovely lesson about Florence Nightingale!

About Anu Garg
Anurag Garg, better known as Anu Garg, began sending emails providing useful information about words and their origins, which became so popular that he founded Wordsmith.org in 1994. It was a time when there was no ready blogging platform nor any email subscription features for your readers. So Anu combined his knowledge of computer programming and servers with his passion for words and the language to dish out delicacies of the literary kind for hungry minds, day after day. He used the server to serve several passionate enthusiasts by developing the anagram generator and other such features which can be explored on his website Wordsmith.org.

The world just needed a couple of servers of the right kind to get together to serve mankind! Pun intended! What can one say... when one fails to find the right word to describe his contribution?

Read more about him in these interviews and articles featured in NY Times and in the Seattle Times.

If you are someone who loves words, word origins and word play, you will love Anu Garg’s website Wordsmith.org! It is a treasure of well-researched and presented facts, trivia and fun about words in the English language – their origin, usage, quotes and more!

You could even subscribe to their A.Word.A.Day email, which will enrich you with the immense knowledge that Anu Garg has been sharing with linguaphiles, every day for the past 14 years!

His phenomenal work in the field of anagrams inspired this contribution by a fan of his website, Eric Shackle goes thus:
Name is Anu Garg = Anagram Genius

Here is a list of popular anagrams listed for your reading pleasure!

Some popular anagrams from prominent personalities can be found in another website, Fun-with-Words.com.
You couldn’t have missed the Nice Silky woman = Monica Lewinsky, did you?

Anu Garg, a resident of Seattle USA is currently in Mumbai!

Being a subscriber of his website for A.Word.A.Day, I was thrilled to read that Anu Garg is in Mumbai! I immediately wrote to him expressing my desire to meet him in person. It gives me great pleasure to tell you that we did meet, today,i.e. 20th December 2008, for a couple of hours, for which I am always so grateful to him for giving me this opportunity!

Writers, bloggers, word-play enthusiasts, language lovers and just about anybody who is interested would be pleased to know that Anu Garg will be delivering a lecture on Indian languages and the English language at the Crossword Book Store at Kemps Corner, Mumbai on the 2nd January 2009 - 7.00 pm onwards! How about coming over and listening to this genius provide us great insights into his in-depth research so that we can learn more and understand our languages better? Do come over! You may also pass on the invitation to anyone who would be interested in the subject. I would request fellow-bloggers to provide a link to this blogpost so that one would know what to expect in the event. Thank you, fellow bloggers!

A couple of pictures taken in Mumbai below:
1. A picture of Anu Garg


2. A picture of us both


I must thank Anu Garg for his time and the experiences he shared with me during our meet today! Several anagrams quoted as examples from Wordsmith.org!

Snowball Sentences

A Mumbai-ite does not experience snowfall in his city. Let alone snowfall, winters are getting warmer in the maximum city than ever before!

My post, though, is about snowball sentences.

A snowball sentence is a sentence where each word is one letter longer than the previous one.

As the story goes, a father explained to his ten year old daughter, “A snowball sentence is one in which each word is one letter longer than the preceding word. Do you think you can make a snowball sentence?”
His daughter thought for several minutes before saying,
'I am not that smart, Father.'

I am sure you would have observed that the daughter unknowingly replied in a snowball sentence! Without even realising it, she had constructed a Snowball sentence!

My humble effort to extend this sentence as follows:
I am not that smart father dearest although unknowing surprising fantabulous construction mathemagical inventiveness…
(any takers to help me continue?)

A "snowball sentence" contrived by Dmitri Borgmann - each word is one letter longer than the last:
I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing handwriting; nevertheless, extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality, counterbalancing indecipherability, transcendentalizes intercommunications' incomprehensibleness.
(20 words)

Other snowball sentences:
O to see man's stern poetic thought publicly expanding recklessly imaginative mathematical inventiveness, openmindedness unconditionally superfecundating nonantagonistical hypersophisticated interdenominational interpenetrabilities
(20 words)

The longest known snowball sentence is 21 words long:

I am the Lord Jesus Christ, Supreme, Almighty, allseeing, allknowing, allpowerful, transcendant, everlastingly resurrectional, allencompassing, incomprehensible, transubstantiated, metacosmologically supradenominational, tetragrammatonically disestablishmentarian.
(21 words)

Read each of them carefully - they actually make sense!

Interestingly, a very popular short snowball sentence that everyone is very fond of is "I do not know", though many of us distort it to "I don't know", because they really dont know that they are destroying a perfect little snowball sentence!

If you know any snowball sentence, please post it in my comment space. I will feature it in my future post. You could even form one yourself! (Do I hear you say Limericks were easier?)

Blogger's Postscript 1:
George Bush, POTUS, has experienced "shoefall" in Iraq! I am sure you would have seen that on TV. Else you can see it here.

Blogger's Postscript 2:
Dogs are up in arms again! Hurling shoes at President George Bush and becoming a hero with a couple of shoe-strokes is one thing. But this Iraqi journalist, Muntazer Al-Zaidi, saying "It is the farewell kiss, you dog" is quite another! Canines cant take such insults anymore! Apparently my previous post "Animal Qualms" needs wider publicity!

Fresh Limericks - Just out of the oven!

“True wisdom is found on T-Shirts”, one reads on T Shirts and “True creativity is found in the comments section of blogs”, that’s what I find equally true.

Sample these limericks posted in the comments section of my blog by friends/fellow-bloggers. I am posting them here because many of the readers don’t read my comments section and they deserve to be delivered through feedburner!

Limericks from my comments section:
Mavin’s limerick on the terrorist attack in Mumbai
That was an audacious attack,
Which took all of us aback,
A firece battle ensued,
Finding all of us to our TV's glued
Egging us on for a determined fightback

Mavin’s limerick on Narayan Rane’s predicament
There was this leader – Narayan Rane,
Senselessly arguing on subjects most – inane,
Deprived of being the Chief Minister,
Now attributes it to forces sinister,
And he is left storming like a hurricane.

IHM’s limerick about Security for the common man :
We would pleased and so willingly forgive
If only we could trust their motive
When they’re kind, full of pity
If they give us their security
and if they'd risk dying so we can live.

Sumitra (Suma) Kaushik’s limerick about Anil’s (Mavin’s) limericks and my blog !
Wow, great limericks indeed, Anil,
Reading gave me too the fun feel,
Great blog for battered minds Gopi dear,
Sure it will bring in some cheer,
Else in life whats the big deal?

Sumitra (Suma) Kaushik’s limerick about the scathing attack on politicians after the terror attacks:
Dont worry about those who came by boat,
But about those who came by vote.
They're our real enemies
Isn't it? Tell me please
They only give us shame & disgrace, I quote

Vinod K Sharma’s limerick about a journo with malicious intent;
Journo Vir Sanghvi yells loudly about India's small middle class
The one he belongs to, not the one that is illiterate and crass
With his usual malicious intent
He laments it is now impotent
Alas, 11/26 has exposed at last India's devious "muddled class”

Ramesh Srivats’ limerick on the predicament of our PM:
Manmohan just can't win at political poker,
'Cause his deck's stacked with sleazy brokers.
So when he sacks one retard,
And pulls out another card,
It always turns out to be yet another joker.

Paul Venier’s funny limerick “on how to save on alimony?”
A fireman feigning concern,
As the building continued to burn.
'Cause gone was the life,
Of his nasty ex-wife
And his alimony payments in turn.

(incidentally, Paul Venier is the author of a book on limericks and also a standup tornado comedian)

Bloggers’ limericks on other Bloggers

Mavin’s limerick about Vinod Sharma
There was a blogger called Vinod Sharma,
Who vent his spleen to clear his Karma,
A scholar to the boot,
Fortified himself daily with arrowroot,
And can be a deadly charm-a.

Mavin’s limerick about Priyank Thatte
There is this handsome bloke Priyank,
On whom we bank,
For those lovely tales,
Of distant mystic vales,
Yes! It is him we have to thank.

Priyank Thatte’s limerick about my blog
Your blog is a laughter brick,
Look how nicely you do the trick,
It always seems jerky,
Whenever I attempt poetry,
Thank you for teaching us the limerick


Awards for my blog!
Krishnan conferred an award to my blog as you can see below!
(I will confer this to other bloggers in my next post!)


Incidentally, Sahaja conferred a beautiful Butterfly Award to my blog! The beautiful butterfly i have posted in the side panel on the right side!
I confer the Butterfly Award to all the following fellow bloggers along with a limerick for each of them as below :-



My limerick for Mavin - “My voice”
There’s this blogger who calls himself Mavin
Lots of knowledge and ideas he’s havin’,
About simple finance
That we need to enhance,
We’re waiting for his posts, oh, in fact, cravin’,

My limerick for Nita - “A wide angle view of India”
A wide angle view, as you all know,
Is offered by this professional journo,
It’s devoured with pleasure
And preserved as a treasure
We now depend on her, for what we know.

My limerick for Indian Home Maker – “The life and times of an Indian Home Maker”
A blogger who calls herself Indian Home Maker,
picks up an issue and is quite a raker,
Now there is a rumour
That she'll take up humour,
One wonders if she is also an overtaker?

My limerick for Vinod Sharma – “India Retold”
If you don’t know the politics of the land,
It’s all there in his blog, neatly canned,
Just click and explore
and plenty will pour
That he’s researched, analyzed and panned

My limerick for Satish Acharya - “The world of an Indian Cartoonist”
A young mumbaikar called Satish,
did follow his heart’s wish,
with leader’s offering
fodder for his cartooning
He developed what was his fetish

My limerick for Sahaja – “Smile… An Everlasting Smile…”
Her posts often about nature’s surprise
Delight readers of her blog, lovely sunrise
While urging us to smile,
She finds all the while
Beauty, in every little thing, that’s so nise

My limerick for Krishnan – “Musings & Miscellany”
His blog, called musings and miscellany,
Finds readers come over, o so many,
A surprise awaits you
in posts, that amaze you
And you’re clamouring for more miscellany.

My limerick for “Swaps”- “My home – its beauty”
This blogger from Maisuru called “Swaps”,
captures nature and posts lovely snaps
but about the gender,
It’s a mind bender
Causing quite a few miss-haps

My limerick for Priyank – “Final Transit ”
A bag-packer, who calls his blog Final Transit
Who roams the world, and would never sit
His every travel tale
Do seldom fail
To make you wish he is perpetually in transit!

My limerick for Ramesh Shrivats- “Let’s put da”
There’s this guy who says “Let’s put da”
Who has now begun to say “Let’s Twitter da”
“Why da, not dee?”
“Oh let me see
If dee would’ve been better than da!”
(for those who may not know, “da” is like ‘re’ or 'guys', refers to males and “dee” for refers to females as in 'gals'

My limerick for Rambodoc “A Twist of Word and Mind”
There’s this blogger called Rambodoc
Who thinks for a funny, round the clock
On getting an idea,
He plants it insidea
And waits for you to say, “You Rock!”

Rambodoc provided the link to his posts on limericks – a must read.And now the Grande Finale on limericks!

I discovered Aparna Ray’s blog (though Rambodoc’s link), which posts a limerick based on a news snippet, as it happens!
Wow! A news- in-limerick blog!
There are loads of them – quite a treat, believe me and do check them out, if you haven’t already!

My limerick for Aparna Ray
I just discovered a certain Ms Ray,
Who writes a limerick each day,
Her love for this form
No one did inform
I learnt she’s been posting them from ’05 May!

For each of the awardees of the Butterfly Award conferred for me, here are some lines to tell you what you need to do:
Just pick up the beautiful butterfly
It’s not the time to wonder why
You deserve, I think
But do provide my link!
So my blog does not remain dry
[and you may also confer it to anyone who deserves it
– I am just trying to revert back to writing prose!]

Bloggers’ Post Script: Some of you, like Mavin, Sahaja, (perhaps others too), would have already received a Butterfly Award from others, but have you ever seen a garden with just one butterfly?

More on the lure of limericks

Mischief is the soul of a limerick. George Bernard Shaw once observed about the trend to write the limericks which were not lewd, obscene or naughty were “good attempts, but could not rise above the mediocre”.

Some spicy ones listed below:
There was a young man with a hernia,
Who said to his surgeon, "Goldernia,
While improving my middle,
Be sure you don't fiddle
With matters that do not concernia."
- Heywood Hale Broun

A young lass met a Mr.
Who held her gently and Kr.
But in spite
That very nite
The Mr. Kr. Sr.

There once was a person from Lyme
Who married three wives at a time.
When asked, "Why a third?"
He replied, "One's absurd,
And bigamy, sir, is a crime!"
Dixon Lanier Merritt
(1879-1972)

There once was an old man from Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
It at last grew so small,
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a college professor.

A really naughty one that I came across:
There was this young lady named Valerie,
Who began to count on her calorie
Said her boss in disgust,
“if you lose half your bust,
You’ll be worth only half your salarie”

There are numerous limericks listed on several websites.
Let me share with you some web links which list out such ludicrous limericks.
Less ludicrous limericks in thinks.com

More ludicrous limericks in thinks.com

Some really dirty limericks here - you excercise the option!

Reminding readers and all fellow bloggers, who may or may not have commented on my blog! You may post some limericks either your own or that you have come across on recent events or about other bloggers, too. My next post on the limericks by friends and fellow-bloggers!

The Foot-in-Mouth Disease

[Notice: This is not a humorous piece except for some limericks at the end of it. The cautionary statement implies that my other posts were supposed to be…. Didnt know, did you?]

When fellow-blogger Indian Home Maker (IHM) asked me “No post on the politician’s gaffe?” I had responded to her that it was no laughing matter and that I had no intention of posting what everyone is already reading about in the press and the reports on TV.

But when I read this editorial in Times of India, “Learn to Talk – Politicians must be trained to handle mass media”, dated 4th December 2008, I was prompted to write a letter to the Editor, TOI, which may not get published due to their perpetual shortage of print space. I produce it below, exclusively for my blog readers!

Text of my letter sent to the Editor TOI

“This refers to the editorial “Learn to Talk – Politicians must be trained to handle mass media” (Dec 4). One wonders whether these incidents were a result of inadequacy of skills in dealing with the mass media at all? For once, the general public got a glimpse of what goes on in their minds, when the moment of truth arrived suddenly, unannounced.

RR Patil couldn’t have thought that the oft-repeated dialogue in a Bollywood block-buster DDLJ, (which goes something like “itne bade desh mein aisi chhoti choti batein hoti rehti hain”), would entertain the aam admi, did he? I would tend to agree with him if he had truthfully agreed that “Aise haadse hote rahte hain”, because that indeed is what is happening! And again, that is exactly what we are up in arms against, and the entire public is seeking your action against!

You just need to be a sensitive citizen to say “I understand the loss suffered by Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan’s father and empathise with him in his loss” instead of referring to the canines calling on them..

In fact one expects all politicians to say “We understand your anger, you are justified and we need to pull up our socks and put our house in order” instead of defending themselves. Would any training be necessary to teach them this elementary stuff? I beg to differ that they need skills to face the media. Would we need an institute to teach our politicians basic human values of compassion, respect, concern for public, accountability? If so, go ahead and build that institute - the one that sets their thinking right!”

Friends, my last post being that on limericks, I was tempted to write a limerick based on this episode too, which goes thus:-

Our leaders speak at length with ease,
we have to beg them to stop, “o, please!”
With the recent attacks,
the best of wisecracks
got infected by the foot-in-mouth disease!
[That’s me getting better each day - always wanting to improve,ahem!]

Blogger’s Post Script
1. Readers may pardon my posting serious articles here. I cannot resist it with such overwhelming feelings overcoming my thoughts daily. As Prasoon Joshi says “Is baar Nahin”. I may keep posting something about our struggle and sharing our success which is imminent.

2. Friends, I have some really spicy, naughty limericks that I will put up only after you all send me one limerick each (at least)! Now this tag is for all my readers and all fellow bloggers, who may or may not have commented on my blog!

Having provided you with the bare basics
there is no such thing as a quick-fix.
Please sit down and think
and maybe, have a drink,
so you can send some funny, naughty limericks
[Oh that’s me again! The drink will not be sponsored by me]

The Lure of Limericks

Mavin has posted another limerick in the comments section of my last post! Taking me back to my schooldays - nostalgic memories of relishing this poetic form of humor! That is the best you can do to a bruised mind battered with violent scenes on TV lately. So how about some soothing balm for it all?

What is a limerick?
A limerick is a five-line poem in which the first, the second and fifth line rhyme with each other and have seven to ten syllables each. The third line rhymes with the fourth and have five to seven syllables each.

Originally popularized in English by Edward Lear. Limericks are witty, humorous, and sometimes obscene, but with humorous intent.

Example of a limerick - A limerick about limericks.
The limerick packs laughs anatomical
In space that is quite economical,
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
[Source: Wikipedia Author: unknown]

Gershon Legman, who compiled the largest and most scholarly collection, held that the true limerick, "as a folk form is always obscene".

History of the Limerick – The oldest of ‘em all
The limerick form can be traced back several hundred years. The oldest recorded poem fitting the metrical pattern is in Latin from Thomas Aquinas (1225–1274).
Sit vitiorum meorum evacuatio
Concupiscentae et libidinis exterminatio,
Caritatis et patientiae,
Humilitatis et obedientiae,
Omniumque virtutum augmentatio.

Translated into Enlish means:
Let my viciousness be emptied,
Desire and lust banished,
Charity and patience,
Humility and obedience,
And all the virtues increased

Variants of the form of poetry referred to as Limerick poems can be traced back to the fourteenth century English history. Limericks were used in Nursery Rhymes and other poems for children. But as limericks were short, relatively easy to compose and bawdy or sexual in nature they were often repeated by beggars or the working classes in the British pubs and taverns of the fifteenth, sixteenth and seventh centuries. The poets who created these limericks were therefore often drunkards! Limericks were also referred to as dirty.

Where does the term 'Limerick' come from?
The word derives from the Irish town of Limerick. Apparently a pub song or tavern chorus based on the refrain "Will you come up to Limerick?" where, of course, such bawdy songs that were later called 'Limericks' were sung.

Give me some examples!
When a youngster would ask me for an example, I would provide some educational limericks.
What a wonderful bird is a Pelican,
His bill holds more food than his belican.
He can take in his beak,
Food for more than a week,
I just wonder how the helican.

You would have noted that the spellings are incorrect. 'belican' = belly can and 'helican' = hell he can. Spellings have been changed to add to the comical effect here. If you look at this pic of a pelican below you'll see for yourself that its quite true too!

[Picture source: Google Images]

Another educational one that explains the Theory of relativity of Einstein;
A rocket inventor named Bright
Once traveled much faster than light.
He started one day
In the relative way
And returned the previous night.

Some rather interesting, clean ones that could be handed out to youngsters are listed below:
There were three little birds in a wood
Who always sang hymns when they could.
What the words were about
You could never make out,
But you felt it was doing them good.

There was an Old Man with a beard,
Who said, 'It is just as I feared!
Two Owls and a Hen,
Four Larks and a Wren,
Have all built their nests in my beard!'
[Edward Lear]

There was an old man of Peru
who dreamt he ate a shoe.
He woke in the night
with a terrible fright
And found out that it was quite true.

There once was a young girl named Jill.
Who was scared by the sight of a drill.
She brushed every day
So her dentist would say,
“Your teeth are so perfect; no bill.”

Since I had never penned a limerick of my own, I attempted my first one which goes thus:
Having taken up the challenge to write
I Stayed up all day and night,
to write a verse
for bad or worse
I just hoped I could get this right!
[Gopinath Mavinkurve - Hey that's me!]

Hey I got it right, right? That may not be so elegant but that was fun!
Don’t they say that limericks are generally mischievous, naughty, lewd and almost obscene? Yes several of them are. I would select some more and post some of them selectively sometime soon. So gathering some courage, I penned another:

“Should I tell them or just play a trick?”
He scratched his head, this maverick,
A really naughty one,
Just for the fun,
Oh, such is the lure of a limerick!
[Gopinath Mavinkurve - Hey that's me again!]

If you have come across a really good, interesting limericks, do post them in the comments section! I will post them along with my collection. You could even pen one yourself! Due credit/mention of contributor/author will be given
Just try it out - It is easy - Look, even I did it!

Credits for sources have been provided wherever available

Tight security needed please!

You dont have to switch on the TV Channels these days to hear about the anger that is evident among Indians about the helplessness and frivolously equipped security agencies and cops in Mumbai. Everybody in trains, buses, canteens, offices are talking about it. The newspapers are reporting how woefully inadequate is the provision of ammunition and how outdated and ineffective they are.

There are reports about lack of training facilities like practice shooting tracks and several cops not having fired a single practice shot in the last several decades! Appalling to say the least. We cannot expect our lathi-wielding cops to take on well-trained, well-equipped specially trained terrorists, can we? The problem of lack of training and practice is so acute that it has been reported in the press that a veterinarian doctor once called the police to fire a tranquilliser bullet into an elephant and the poor cop missed the elephant from a distance of 10 feet!

Against this backdrop, we find that the worthless politicians get Z-Security to protect themselves. While we get ZZZzzz Security! Mumbai Cartoonist Satish Acharya, whose cartoons are regularly published in Mid-Day has so beautifully created this cartoon from an idea provided by me. Collaborative blogging! Thanks, Satish.

We need some tighter Security please! And when I mean "tight" it is not the type where the security gulps down some spirits and gets "tight", for heaven's sake!

Do sign on this online petition to press for some real action! Let us not ZZZZZZzzzzzz over an important matter needing urgent attention!

Do Vote for me at Dubbagol!

Tagged on "Feminism"!

I have been tagged by Mavin! 'Tagging' is a practice among fellow-bloggers and I am supposed to be writing a post on 'feminism'. “And make that funny too” he insists! “Siddhuism” or “Bushism” would have been a better choice for my kind of a blog. Whom can you trust to make life tough for you other than your own good old friend?

Even my regular dependable sites like Google-search and Wikipedia let me down. After downloading several gigabytes of information about the assigned topic, I have to admit that nothing described in those web pages was anything that I could much understand or relate to. Finally I decided to get some help from my old school friends and share their experiences in life. I invited Mr and Mrs Joshi, Mr. and Mrs. Bongerjee, Mr. and Mrs. Millio-Nair, Mr. and Mrs Parekh for lunch at our place.

“Mr. and Missayz Zoshi”, as they call themselves, were the first to arrive with a packet of Puranpolis, which Missayz Zoshi had so thoughtfully brought for my craving sweet tooth. After the customary greetings, my friend began discussing the latest developments on the Marathi manoos front. With both MNS and SS both taking up their cause, the dilemma was, whom to vhote?”

Then I posed the Question of the Day (QOTD),as they say on most TV channels:- “What are your thoughts and experiences of Feminism?”
“My wife subscribes” Mister Zoshi said.

I looked askance for some explanation. “You are talking about Faymina? Missayz loves it”, he asked. Then he bent forward and whispered in my ear: “I love the peeks, but I prefer to watch the peeks on the nate – that is safer, with my Missayz around”

Peaks? Nate? I wondered. Must be "Pics" on the "Net", I guessed!

Then I explained several issues like gender bias, discrimination for being a woman, equal opportunities, women’s rights, violence, harassment at workplace, rape and stuff like that, which I had gathered on the “nate” recently. But there was nothing that he could relate to. “We love our daughter more than our son. She gets all the attention and freedom and sometimes I wonder whether it is my son who is being discriminated against.”

Next to arrive were Mr. and Mrs. Millio-Nair with a packet of Kela (Banana) Chips fried in pure coconut oil. After the customary greetings, I posed the QOTD to Millio-Nairs. “Hmmmm… I think I have seen that book… ‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus’, isn’t it? You know if I was to write that book, it would have been called “Men are in Gelf and Women have gone by Otto to the Jerj or Demble”

“I don’t believe in Mars, Venus and stuff like that, I will go back to the Gelf shortly so that my status of Millio-Nair continues and does not reduce me to an ordinary Nair”, he confirmed. He always had a great sense of humor, joking about himself, this good old friend of mine!

Then I explained what I already explained to the Joshis. “No No, I have no objection if my wife or daughter wants to werk or come to the Gelf with me ” he said vehemently. “Kerala has the highest literacy rate”
“Igwal Riots”, explained Mrs Millio-Nair. Riots? I was baffled!
Equal Rights, maybe, I guessed after some mulling.

Next to arrive were Mr. and Mrs. Parekh with a packet of Undhiyoo. After the customary greetings, I posed the QOTD.
“Famine? Kaunsa Famine, dost? (Which Famine, Friend?) I have been advised to reduce my weight so I am geeming and also go for Mourning Wokes! I love your jokes, Gopi! You ask me about Famine!”

Then I explained ditto ditto ditto. “No discrimination, dost! My daughter also wants to go to Madical, like my son. I am encouraging my daughter also just like my son, I told her no problem - only she has to improve her Mammary!” Madical? Mammary?

Must be Medical and Memory, silly, I told myself!

The last to arrive were Mr. and Mrs. Bongerjee with a packet of home-made Gulab Jamuns.. Yes, you guessed right - after the customary greetings, I posed the QOTD.“If you say Communism, I can talk forever…but what is this Feminism, yaar?”

Yes, you guessed right – then I explained ditto ditto ditto...
Every time I explained what I read from my reliable Wikipedia, the lesser I understood it. Mr. Bongerjee was the only one who understood it, I thought., when he revealed, “I have never been to our kitchen and cooked”. “There you are” I thought – here was something we did not do and qualified for a mild act of feminism (incomparison with what is described in Wikipedia).

Never helping out in the kitchen!
“But why? Why” I asked eagerly.
“My bife has abhortion” explained Mr Bongerjee.
“Abortion?” “So sorry to hear” “When? I never knew" "Carried out Sex Determination Test?"
“What sex determination? She is having Abhortion – Abhortion for my cooked food – I used to cook – My mother had taught me and I loved to… but my bife does not allow me – she has abhortion for my cooked food…”
Finally it sunk in…he meant to say his wife had aversion for his cooked food!

Finally, it was my turn. I cleared my throat.“Hmmm….In my early days, I used to predominantly write gender-biased stuff like ‘he’ when ‘he/she’ was more like it. I would address letters to ‘The Chairman’ with ‘Dear Sir’. But over the years, I have changed my ways to Chairperson, and ‘The Chairperson’ and “Dear Sir/Madam”, when writing to institutions where I am not sure who the person really is.” “I need to write a post about the open manholes and now I am struggling to find the right gender-free word that they will understand! ‘Man’holes just wont do!

Blogger’ Post-Script

Last few days have demoralized Mumbaikars. So I thought I should work on this post nevertheless and try to cheer up my blog readers, even if in vain, I would make my sincere attempt.This post does not intend to offend anyone! However, if one is offended, do accept my apologies too!

As for the respect for and the privileges and rights of women in all walks of life, I am mostly in line with Mavin’s Post. Do read it here!

I always wanted a daughter and I am very happy to have one.
To learn more do read my earlier post “Daughters are forever”.

Just because one does not know what feminism is, does not mean one does not practice some or the other form of discrimination against women. It may not be a grave or brash act of the criminal kind. It could be just the belief that women cannot do something or shouldn’t get something that men or boys do.

I plead guilty to not cooking and not helping around with the household chores – just because somewhere at the back of my mind, men (read: I) think it is the job of womenfolk and that men (read: I) need not do it. I did not recognize this shortcoming of mine until I was tagged! Hopefully, this too may change for the better! Let me conclude this post by saluting all womenfolk for keeping the household going even in spite of pursuing careers, of late! If you do want to know more about Feminism on the Wikipedia. Read it here.

Oops! I almost forgot! I am supposed to be passing on the tag to someone! I would like Vinod K Sharma to write a post on Feminism, preferably with some insights on what our Female Politicians like Mayawati, Mamata, Jayalalitha and her likes have done for the cause of feminism and his own take on the subject.

Vote for me at Dubbagol!

Anecdotes behind the colorful phrases

Of late, not a day passes without TV News about pink slips being handed out. If my last post delved into the various colorful phrases and an earlier post “In the Thick of Pink” had sort of predicted this deluge of pink slips in a way, what one may wonder now, is :-

“Why is it called the pink slip, anyway?”

The origin of ‘pink slip’ – A notice of termination
If youngsters thought it was a new phrase doing the rounds, think again. Pink Slip refers to an old practice which originated in the American Corporations, when personnel departments would hand over a ‘discharge notice’, notifying termination of employment or layoff in the pay envelope. The letter was printed on pink paper to distinguish it from other notices issued to employees. The practice was reported in the New York Times in 1910 by editors of the Random House Dictionary. So if you can see the term ‘pink slip’ will be celebrating its centenary in just two years in 2010. Perhaps we are preparing the celebrations already?!!

Some more interesting anecdotal origins of color phrases may interest you.
Origin of ‘Yellow Journalism’ – The practice of Sensationalizing news
The term originated when circulation battles between Joseph Pulitzer's New York World and William Randolph Hearst's New York Journal. peaked from 1895 to about 1898, when both papers were accused by critics of sensationalizing the news in order to drive up circulation, although the newspapers did serious reporting as well. The New York Press coined the term “yellow kid journalism” in early 1897 after a then-popular comic strip, “The Yellow Kid”, which was published by both during a circulation war. Later the term shortened to "yellow journalism"

Origin of ‘Red Tape’ – Bureaucratic delays in taking decisions
It is first noted in historical records in the 16th century, when Henry VIII besieged Pope Clement VII with around eighty or so petitions for the annulment of his marriage to Catherine of Aragon! It was referred to red tape - so its around for longer than 500 years!
It’s popularity soared when All American Civil War veterans' records were bound in red tape, and the difficulty in accessing them led to the current use of the term in its modern sense sometime before this. Havent you observed that red string used to tie up files before they get pushed from table to table in Government offices.
(I have had the opportunity (???) to chase such files)

Origin of ‘Green with envy’ – when becoming jealous of others
In some cultures, envy is often associated with the color green, as in "green with envy". The phrase "green-eyed monster" refers to an individual whose current actions appear motivated by envy. This is based on a line from Shakespeare's Othello. Shakespeare mentions it also in The Merchant of Venice when Portia states: "How all the other passions fleet to air, as doubtful thoughts and rash embraced despair and shuddering fear and green-eyed jealousy!"

Origin of ‘Once in a blue moon’ – a rare event
A blue moon is a name given to an irregularly timed full moon. Most years have twelve full moons which occur approximately monthly, but each calendar year contains those twelve full lunar cycles plus about eleven days to spare. The extra days accumulate, so that every two or three years there is an extra full moon (which happens every 2.72 years). The extra moon is called a "blue moon". The term blue moon is commonly used metaphorically to describe a rare event, as in the saying "once in a blue moon".

Origin of ‘the blues’ – the “down spirits’
The phrase "the blues" is a reference to the Blue Devils, meaning "down" spirits, melancholy, and sadness. An early reference to "the blues" can be found in George Colman's one act farce Blue devils in as early as 1798! It has been in modern use since 1912, when Hart Wand's "Dallas Blues" became the first copyrighted Blues composition. In lyrics the phrase is often used to describe a depressed mood.

Origin of ‘purple patch’ – an unusually good time of outstanding achievement
The term purple patch is also used in a more general, and more unequivocally positive, sense to refer to a period of outstanding achievement. This usage is particularly common in sporting contexts: for example, a footballer who had scored in six successive games might be said to be "enjoying a purple patch". Like Yuvraj Singh has been experiencing in the on-going India-England ODI series.

Nothing new, isnt it?
Source: Wikipedia

Blogger's Post-Script: Late edition addition: My article "Biometric Possibilities - Bite the Bullet has appeared in the Times of India Edit Page on 24/11/2008.
Click on this link to read it

English - A Colorful Language

The Talk of the Town - Nana Chudasama's message at Churchgate, Mumbai reads:
"Congratulations from us to US for a colorful victory"

It is believed that Obama's colorful victory was not a bolt from the blue but a carefully planned strategic one.

Some of my friends, who had passed their exams with flying colors, tried for a white-collared jobs, some took up a blue-collared job , while some others migrated to the US to earn greenbacks , but are now facing the prospect of pink slips . One such acquaintance cited an incident in his blog, about his colleague, who saw red , when another colleague mentioned that there was a black hole in their office! Though reference was to the frequent missing documents in office, an Afro-American colleague, took offence to being referred to as ‘black’, thinking it was directed to them.

Elementary Physics has taught us that white is a combination of all colors and black is in fact the absence of colors. But one does not understand why “whites” call “blacks”, “colored”?

Indeed it is a grey area that sets my grey cells into action!

Do read this interesting poem written by an African Child!

Back home, newspapers report several instances of red tape in offices, with the obvious intent to amass black money. Several such black deeds of greedy members of society, brings wealth and often impresses neighbors, who turn green with envy . But soon enough the illgotten money is wasted away in vices like drinking after which one sees pink elephants . This meteoric rise invites the attention of investigation agencies and income tax authorities.

These officials then try to catch the culprits red-handed . Often suspects tell a white lie to get away. Blackmailers then try to exploit the situation, if they have access to some dark secrets of such individuals. The Police who is beckoned to get hold of the blackmailer, beat him black and blue , to get the truth out. Some television channels then beam the story of Police brutality repeatedly, blowing the story out of proportion. Talk shows on competitor’s channels then call this kind of sensational reporting yellow journalism and condemn such news agencies and want them blacklisted. Politicians get away with setting up projects, arrive to a red carpet welcome to inaugurate them.

Such projects later prove to be white elephants .
Controversy erupts and the parliament then demands a white paper


Media interviews colorful personalities such as cricketers who have hit a purple patch and newspapers feature articles of wellness, which guide readers how to keep in the pink of health and how to drive away your blues .

English is indeed a colorful language! I just wanted to put my thoughts in black and white. I hope it will be red all over ... oops...read all over. After all, such posts appear only once in a blue moon! .

Blogger's Post-Script
This post is also on a special request from Priyank Thatte a fellow-blogger, who backpacks all round the world and captures the colors of nature in his camera and puts them up on his blog with some superb travel experiences shared for our benefit. I have blogrolled him!

Take Care, Friends!

Today is the World Day of Remembrance for Traffic Victims observed the world over on the third Sunday of November each year as endorsed by the United Nations.

On this occasion, in public interest, please read my serious post in my other blog link below:

Take Care!

For some weekend fun, read my last post "Barack Dance" if you havent read it already!

Barack Dance!

A Dance academy board said “Learn Barack Dance”

Last week it was Palin Dosa. This week, would I get a glimpse of ‘Barack Dance’? Before the world began to dance to his tunes, our locals had already caught up with the latest trend in dancing, one wondered? Curious to know what it was all about, I rang the bell and a thin, dark, tall guy in his mid-twenties opened the door. “Learn Barrrack Dance?” he asked.

“Just give me a demonstration so that I can decide”, I replied.
He began his gyrations and jerks as realization dawned on me – it was what I knew to be the same old Break Dance!

“No, thanks”, I said. As I turned to go, he made another offer: “How about Heap Hope?”

Barrack Obama had won the election on heaps of hope, for sure. So would there be something to hold my interest here, I wondered? Knowing his tendencies, I soon enough guessed he was talking about “Hip-Hop”!

I hurried away before he could hold me by my Taang (legs) and offer me some “Taaango” (Tango) or “Balle-Balle Ballet” as a fusion dance.

Our local guys sure know how to be in step with the world and keep up with the times!

A new Phobia
While working on my last post, I came across a new phobia - AIBOHPHOBIA – The fear of palindromes! But then who would be afraid of palindromes?

You would be more certain to find many people who love them. Considering that all philias are converted from phobias.

Would that not be AILIHPHILIA – The obsessive love for Palindromes?

Blogger's Post-script: How about some more word play in my future posts?

About Palindromes

In the comments section of my last post, Palin Talk, my old friend and fellow-blogger Mavin mentioned Palindromes in a Limerick which he so wonderfully produced instantly, which goes as below:

Long years back I learnt about the Palin-drome,
Whilst whiling away time at the aero-drome,
Later in life, I heard about Palin the dish,
Who had our dear Vinod in a swish,
It was later diagnosed as Gullible Sheep syn-drome.
:-)

What followed was a word play of anagrams, limericks and the like between fellow bloggers Mavin and Vinod Sharma!

I was fascinated by palindromes even when I was in college in the late 70’s. In fact my first published article titled “A way with words” in the Free Press Journal was all about wordplay such as palindromes, anagrams and lipograms.

If you thought Palindromes were some kind of private aerodrome for Sarah Palin, its not. Palindromes are words, sentences, paragraphs or numbers which, if read backwards are the just the same as when they are read forwards.

Nitin and Nayan, my friends in school had a penchant for palindromes ever since they learnt that their names were palindromes too. We had gathered quite a few in those Google-less days: Madam, malayalam, civic, level, radar, rotor were early palindromes we had in our list already.

One of the earliest palindromes possible was if Adam would have said to Eve:
"Madam, in Eden, I'm Adam". With this we had graduated to palindrome sentences. Was English the language Adam spoke? One wonders.

The historic utterance attributed to Napoleon upon the sighting of Elba, the island where the British had sent him to exile was the first palindrome we collected:
“Able was I, ere I saw Elba” , he is reported to have said.
Since he was a Frenchman, I wonder who translated it to this amazing palindrome?

The phenomenal feat of the construction of the Panama Canal gave us another popular palindrome that was next in our list:
“A man, a plan, a canal, Panama”
A fitting tribute to a great constructive work!

Next we learnt about this one:
“Straw? No. Too stupid a fad. I put soot on warts”

Dammit, I’m mad! With the advent of internet, Google Search, Wikipedia and such tools, why do I have to list them here? Read the entire list of palindromes here.

Our search for the longest palindrome ended with an article in the newspapers about the the longest palindrome, by Georges Perec, a treatise on palindromes, in French which had 9691 words published in 1969!

Georges Perec, member of the Paris OULIPO group (Workshop of Potential Literature), wrote a long piece of palindrome prose in 1969, consisting of 9691 words. The word 'palindrome' appears in the first sentence, and consequently, its reversal in the last. This is the first in a series of meta-palindromes (or, palindromes of the palindrome) by various authors.
Beginning and end read:
"Trace l'inégal palindrome. Neige. Bagatelle, dira Hercule. Le brut repentir, cet écrit né Perec. L'arc lu pèse trop, lis à vice versa. Perte. Cerise d'une vérité banale, le Malstrom, Alep, mort édulcoré, crêpe porté de ce désir brisé d'un iota" ...
...
"À toi, nu désir brisé, décédé, trope percée, roc lu. Détrompe-là. Morts : l'âme, l'élan abêti, revenu. Désire ce trépas rêvé : si va ! S'il porte, sépulcral, ce repentir, cet écrit me perturbe le lucre : Haridelle, ta gabegie ne mord ni la plage ni l'écart."

Georges Perec is also the author of a 300-page French Novel “La Disparition”, without using the popular vowel ‘e’ ever! Such a composition is called a lipogram. Amazing Frenchman this!

Thanks, Mavin and Vinod for taking me down memory lane, with anagrams, palindromes, limericks once again! Nostalgia indeed!
Now that is not a new drug variant of analgin for my nostrils!

Palin Talk

“Sprite bujhaye only pyaas! Seedhi Baat - No Bakwas” claimed ads of Sprite, a soft drink in India. Hindi for ‘Sprite only quenches thirst - Plain Talk No hogwash’. This revolutionary soft drink advertisement promoted plain talk more than the drink itself, one would imagine. I enjoyed this take on the tall claims made by competitors through their ad campaigns and liked the refreshing ad as much as the refreshing soft drink and the refreshing new idea of plain talk.

But alas, even this soft drink has stopped quenching only thirst and has started “ Sprite Express - Ghumo, Ghumao!” Who needs a soft drink to Ghumo Ghumao? Is it not the prerogative of our local politicians to do that? Advertisements can baffle as much as they can entertain.

If you havent seen the ad, Watch the Video here.

You may be familiar with the surrogate ads of hard-hitting liquor drinks, which are otherwise not allowed to walk down the advertisement ramps unless they disguise themselves to be some music cassette or rock band or some holiday package,apple juice or life-saving nectar. So they appear in a tribal costume dancing to the taal (beat) of drums and making Taal Claims of their products-parading-incognito. Tall Claims, I mean.

Of late, ad campaigns have been hijacked by competitors. As in a recent campaign that had attempted to build suspense and curiosity by declaring “See you at Home Soon”, without revealing the product being advertised. BIG Rivals being a BIG time Industry house was also BIG time into corporate spying. Reliance BIG hijacked their theme by advertising their product was at home with all their BIG features to boast of. Everything about the product would be BIG, one was convinced. We shall see a BIG shake-out in the DTH (Direct-to-Home) TV business. The consumer must also be prepared for BIG discounts and some BIG disappointments if promises are not kept or services are not upto their BIG expectations.

But hijacking is not restricted to advertisements. Political parties are now claiming that their hard hitting manifestos (or the very purpose of their existence) are also prey to hijacking. The ‘original’ tiger cub, Uddhav says so in an interview to the Mumbai Mirror, recently. He says it is a remake like Sholay!

But hasn’t Raj roared louder, hogged prime-time national channels and front pages of national newspapers with the very same agenda? Has he not ushered in the competition to the claim for the real Grand Savior of Marathi (hereafter referred to as GSM)? One cannot rule out more claimants of GSM from all parties present and future in the times to come!

Now hold it! I cannot be hijacking my blogpost from being a humor blog to a political blog and speculate on who the GSM would be and have fellow bloggers committed to political blogs fretting and fuming for infringing into their domain and let down my readers who wait for their regular dose of rib-tickling humor. I cannot let this happen. It’s my blog! I may not know who owns Mumbai, but I certainly know who owns this blog - Me!

So let me share a futuristic joke I heard from a chaste Marathi Manoos, while travelling in a BEST Bus yesterday , which goes thus (translated from Marathi) :-
“Time came when the Grand Savior of Marathi (GSM) had become very powerful and no foreign investment could be made without his blessing. The head honchos of several foreign companies lined up at His office. One such foreign industrialist invited him out to a Multi-Star Hotel for Lunch. This MNC hotel served exotic food from Italy, Bangkok, Korea, Lebanon, Japan and Singapore. Sigh, but none from Kolhapur. When asked what he would have, GSM promptly replied in Marathi, “Kombdi”. The Chef, an enlightened soul, had known of the primary rule of learning Marathi equivalents to dish it out in Marathi and thankfully knew that “Kombdi” meant Chicken.

When the dish arrived, GSM found some extraneous meat other than the “Kombdi” in his dish! Having heard of the habits of over-zealous Far-easterners of adding some forbidden meats as garnishing, he declared further:
“Fakkta Kombdi!”

The poor chef had not heard of this before and went shouting into the kitchen repeating what he had uttered! The Sous Chef, also a foreigner, replied, “I have killed it, removed its feathers, cleaned it and also grilled it thoroughly.
How in hell do I now F**K THE KOMBDI?”

Moral of the Story: If you want to be in Maharashtra, learn proper Marathi, guys!

After this incident, would the mighty GSM change his long standing slogan “Fakkta Marathi”, meaning “Only Marathi!”, to protect its pride from the wild mis-interpretation of outsiders? One wonders.

If this post is about slogans, adlines, hijack, change, advertising, political manifestos,why is this post titled “Palin Talk” if it has nothing to do with Sarah Palin? Is this another hijack? No, sorry, it is only a typo. It should have been ‘Plain Talk'. Like ‘Palin Dosa’ served in a Mysore Restaurant - the board should have been saying ‘Plain Dosa’. If you want foreign tourists to come visiting, learn what they would like to have! I just learnt from them.

Seeing is Believing: Palin Dosa Board
(Times of India Page 7 dated 02.11.2008)


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The Roti or Chapati Maker for our Kitchen!

When my better half mentioned that we needed a new water purifier and some kitchen accessories, my joy knew no bounds. Diwali was approaching and it was my heartfelt wish to surprise her with a modern, innovative upgrade for the kitchen. If a woman found her way to her hubby’s heart was enroute his tummy, a hubby would most certainly find his way to her heart through the kitchen, the provider for the tummy, one thought.

Ever since a television report had demonstrated a roti-maker or chapati making machine, it was my earnest desire to go in for one to aid her in performing routine kitchen chores. Wanting to spring a surprise at the opportune moment, no mention had been made about my plans.

She sensed my rare enthusiasm in joining in for the shopping expedition and was pleasantly surprised, mixed with a tinge of suspicion, though. What made me sacrifice a couple of hours of reading pleasure? Normal circumstances would have found me with an unputdownable thriller. One would also find me incessantly surfing the net or punching away the keyboard in an attempt to write some utter nonsense for my next blog post.

Once at the electronic superstore, my wife began to check out water purifiers and stuff like that. But I began enquiring about this strange new gadget that rolled out roti after roti that I had seen on TV. I was perplexed at the ignorance of the sales persons at the electronic megastore! “Which Channel? Which program?” They asked. But I pursued my dream gadget at every store in the neighborhood. The missionary zeal with which one was eager to acquire this exotic new gadget, without much background information or reference checks about its performance, aroused her suspicion.

“We don’t need a roti-maker or chapati making machine for our kitchen!”, she announced firmly and with the dash of finality.

My heart sank! My efforts to replace the old with the modern appliance had met with cold denial. Even the Indo-US nuclear deal had seen a smoother passage, one thought. Here was an opportunity to relegate that innocent looking wooden implement to the pages of history. One which had ruled the kitchen for several centuries, going beyond its call of duty, it was responsible for depriving husbands world over, from indulging in their important, passionate activities which included playing golf, reading bestsellers, watching important debates on national TV Channels, or cheering your country's team in a closely fought cricket/soccer/whatever-your-passion-sport match, forwarding emails, playing rummy or chess with friends, bird-watching besides socialising (read: getting drunk)in the evening. It had been instrumental in compelling husbands the world over to drop their important indulgent activities midway only to take up menial, unimportant, petty jobs which go by the name of ‘household chores’.

For the uninitiated, household chores are domestic boring errands like hunting for a plumber to fix the leaking tap (that has already caused quite a deluge, btw)or getting the electrician to attend to a spark in the switchboard (that could have burnt the entire neighbourhood) or get some dough (of any kind that your imagination can stretch to).



The “rolling pin”, as it was humbly named, played a crucial role and proved to be another ‘unputdownable’ (for the wife of course). My previous attempt to trade it in for a pillow fight yielded no result. With so many years into our marriage, my wife could easily evaluate the role and function of a pillow-fight as compared to the terrifying effect of the very prospect of hurling a rolling pin. Pillow-fights are only to be watched in advertisements and movies to suggest an ongoing romance. It was only symbolic and had nothing to do with real life.

She declared in a Javed Jafri-esque manner – "It’s different”!

Not wanting another encounter with the domestic 'Head-On Collider', the next trip to the electronic megastore - all by myself this time.

I tried my luck with the roti or chapati making machines.

“It is for industrial canteens – not for homes” he replied firmly.

“There is a really huge one in operation at the Golden Temple at Amritsar and there are some smaller ones for caterers and industrial canteens! Never heard of one for the kitchen of a small family”, he explained.

With faint hopes, one asked, “Do you have a sturdy laptop, which can double up as a shield and can withstand the impact of a rolling pin hurled at the speed of the fastest Brett Lee delivery?”



The poor salesman at the counter remembered my fondness for “unusual necessities” and had been praying hard, that this time around, I would want any of the several gizmos the superstore offered!

But would you call a perfectly normal husband wanting to do what he loves most, on his weekend holiday, “Someone with ‘unusual necessities’”? Or would you rather invent and design gizmos to help husbands the world over stay on course with the important tasks at hand? Did someone not say, "Necessity is the mother of Invention?" I can see this happen - only if mothers and wives allow this to happen!

Seeing is Believing:
Click on the weblinks below to watch some related videos:

1. Chapati making automation of mammoth proportions at the Golden Temple, Amritsar.

2. The smallest chapati making machine in commercial use as on date. A small scale down of this model would serve the purpose and serve humanity (read: husbands world over)

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The Baap Trap!

The Joint Commissioner of Police, Mumbai Shri K L Prasad’s statement “Mumbai kisike baap ka nahin” (meaning, Mumbai is not the property of anyone’s father) brought out the individuality in all Mumbaikars (a resident of Mumbai), like never before. The statement stirred up a hornet’s nest among local politicians.

A historian was quick to point out that Bombay, as Mumbai was called then, was Catherine of Braganza’s Father’s. Until he gave it away to Charles II’s as dowry in 1661. From 1661 to 1668 it was Charles II’s child’s father’s, I would suffice it to say, since my hours of google-searching did not yield Charles II’s child’s name. But, Charles II did not want the trouble of ruling these islands, Bombay was made part of the British East India Company in 1668 by way of lease.

There is no evidence of it being of anyone’s father’s thereafter.

What came to my mind when all TV channels flashed the Police Chief’s uttering verbatim, that evening was, “Just hope it was someone’s!” One always lived on the hope that someone would own up the maximum city, instead of being nobody’s, or nobody’s baap’s (father’s). Everybody’s would be even better! It would help overcome the “Kiske baap ka kya jaata hai? Attitude”, which has been comically translated to “Whose Father’s What Goes? Attitude”.

In Mumbai, it is believed that to learn how to swear, one needs to drive on its streets. Every driver believes that the road belongs to him, and the moment someone gets in “his” way, it is time to emerge from behind the wheel to give others a piece of one’s mind. Flashpoint is reached within a few seconds and choicest abuses follow, drawing reference to one’s parentage, without any gender bias whatsoever. But then no argument is complete without the mandatory “Yeh rasta tere baap ka hai kya?” meaning, “Is this road your father’s?” But asking whether the road was his would just not make the Mumbai mark! It would not get the intended impact on the opponent and the crowd would be so disappointed.

Whether the yelling match proceeds to the next level of exchanging physical blows depends on their muscle power, adrenaline flow and the urge for PDA, public display of anger, in this case. Finally one explains everyone that had it not been for the other getting to his “baap”, one would have endured any insult on oneself. With this background, one needs to understand the inability to bear anything being said about one’s baap.

If a driver thinks the road belongs to him, so does the pedestrian, the children who live there and the hawker. In fact, it also belongs to the future generations wanting to live in this city, because, no matter what happens to the world economy, the builders wouldn’t bring down prices to affordable levels for the common Mumbaikar. That brings future generations out on the street with the street dog.

It is joked that when a Mumbai dog ventures out to other cities, he is recognized by his habit of wagging his tail vertically, due to the lack of space around in Mumbai. It may be due to the “think vertical” campaign for developing the city. Some street dwellers are now thinking vertically, too - of settling in their humble pad - in potholes - two levels below the national highway!

Another popular joke tells about a Mumbaikar who approached a Chennai Traffic policeman to seek directions, during his brief stay there.
“Tamil teriyamma?” asked the traffic cop.

The amchi Mumbai manoos thought he said “Tamil teri amma” and promptly retorded with “Hindi Tera Baap!”
Since half of Chennai does not understand Hindi and the rest pretend not to, he topped it up with “Hindi Tera Poora Khaandaan” for good measure and felt victorious!

Though the question “Whose Mumbai is it anyway?” may have done the rounds. But if one were to ask what Mumbai is when compared to other Indian cities, all Mumbaikars would predictably join in a chorus to declare,
“Mumbai To Baap Hai, Bhai!”.

One would not dare to say “Mumbai mere baap ki hai”, even if one’s father would really say “Mumbai is mine” - in a sense of belonging. It has been our hope that everyone does own up Mumbai as one’s own. If that were to happen, it would then be everybody’s.

The Top Cop would still repeat the same line, though he would actually mean to say “Mumbai Sabhi ki hai, kisi ek ki nahin”, meaning, "Mumbai is everybody's not any one person's"
But by dropping the “baap”, he would just not make the cut as a true-deep-blue Mumbaikar. He would still be questioned by you-know-who as to who was he, to declare “Mumbai is everybody’s?”

The self appointed moral police, (or should we say moral ministry?), would continue to tell our Top Cop,
“Papa, Don’t Breach!!”

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