Right in the Middle!

As promised, my latest artickle, a humourous take on myself!
It is always better to pull your own leg, isn't it?

Link to the published article in "Indian Express", a well-known daily newspaper published in India http://www.indianexpress.com/story/312848.html


TIME OUT
Middle man
Gopinath Mavinkurve
Posted online: Thursday, May 22, 2008 at 0000 hrs
Such a long journey to reach my own toenails

When my wife subtly reminded me to cut my overgrown toenails, little did I imagine that the task would be a challenge in itself. Armed with the nail-cutter, I tried to reach the superfluous growth at the extreme end of my body, but to no avail. While I could take care of my fingernails from time to time, it was the toenails that eluded my attention. Was it due to the shoes, which covered the sight of my toenails for most part of the day, shielding them from the onslaught of the implement?
The real culprit lay between the position of my eyes and the position of my toenails, right in the middle. I have come across several obstacles, but never one that grew on me! The central growth, often attributed to prosperity, was the cause of my predicament. Several tidbits regularly made their way into my mouth between sumptuous meals, and were the cause of my “all-round” growth. Help began pouring in from well-wishers. “Let me tell you a simple yoga for this,” said one. “When you are offered some more food... look the person in the eye, shake your head sideways, until the offer is withdrawn.” How could I overcome my cravings for all things sinfully sweet? After Oscar Wilde, “I can resist anything, but temptation.”

My sedentary lifestyle! The only time I walked was when I “walked through” a Powerpoint presentation, and the only time I “jumped”, was when I was in a queue. “Aerobic exercises. Turn on your music system and dance vigorously, as though no one is seeing you,” prescribed a fitness expert. After a couple of days of the near-hysterical workout, I was hurting in parts of my body that I never knew existed. The deeper meaning of “dard-e-disco” dawned on me. My next well-wisher, a salesperson by profession, urged me to buy a treadmill and some exercise accessories, which he could offer at a “special price”, so that I could burn my fat at home. After learning of the damage it would cause to my bank balance, I decided to go for a brisk walk around the neighbourhood, instead. At last, my first step in my long brisk walk has been taken. It is said that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a small step. I have miles to go before I reach my own toenails!
Feedback to my email: g_mavinkurve@hotmail.com

Feedback Letter Published in the Indian Express dated 23rd May 2008
Text of Letter:

Salad days

• If I ever chuckled, from the first line to the last, it was on reading Gopinath Mavinkurve’s ‘Middle man’.The middle of a middle-aged man does have much to do with food, especially gulab-jamuns or rosogollas, if you like Bengali sweets. But there is a simpler way out — begin with a plate full of salad and end your meal with more salad, eating only salad through it. If you fill your stomach with salads alone, neither will you yield to temptation nor will you sport a paunch.

— Parimal Y. Mehta

Mumbai