Mumbai Ducks

“We are sitting ducks”, insisted the celebrity author, Shobha De on news channels, following the Wednesday terror attack in Mumbai. If there is one development that has positively taken place since the latest terror incident in Mumbai, it is the acceptance by one and all that the words “resilient Mumbaikars” and “spirit of Mumbai” have become taboo forever. Mumbaikars have had enough of this undeserved praise for doing what we all have had to after the previous blasts – to get back with our livelihoods, simply because, we have no other choice! That’s not speaking too well about us, is it?

Thankfully, the media persons and their select invitee personas have sensed the mood of the city dwellers this time around and have avoided this oft-repeated cliché, which followed blasts, like thunder follows lightning - and with annoying regularity. It had been haunting us with every attack – in fact it was a blow that would hit us after the blasts did – and the blasts happened at the free will of the terrorists. This time around, several citizens like Hemant Mehta, other witnesses at the blast site and Shobha De effectively conveyed the anger amongst the common people arising out of the inactions resulting in the failure of the counter-terrorism measures promised to us since the audacious attacks of 26/11. We also found bloggers post their annoyance/frustration/helplessness/anger such as this outstanding one by fellow-blogger Sharad Bapat here.


Had there been an instrument to measure the anger of people, it would’ve certainly tripped! And if there had been an inverter-like power converting device to convert anger into electricity, we could have lit up all the remote villages of our country for the next 5 years! Sadly, there aren’t such devices or instruments. More saddening is the fact that we have yet to learn how to convert our anger into constructive nation-building activities, let alone electricity! If we had learnt this, the anger we all felt when scam after scam rocked our country would’ve resulted in some scam-preventing mechanism, which would go off the moment scheming scamsters began looting the ex-chequer. We always learn about scams much after they happen – in fact so late, that the money looted has already left the shores and have even come back into our shores in a different avatar – thanks to the loopholes like Participatory Notes,that have been intentionally designed and provided for such purposes.

So even our getting angry is nothing new, just in case you thought that our high-intensity anger would change things this time around and think that we shall see quick action to ensure that counter-terrorism efforts will be hastened to quell the seething public. Relax – no such thing is likely to happen, folks! After the next blast, it will be the politicians’ turn to tell us – don’t tell us we are angry, we know! Didn’t you hear why the much-needed equipment like CCTV cameras have not been procured? There is now the fear of ‘allegation of corruption’ in the tendering processes! So all that anger and cynicism of corrupt procurement has hit us back like a boomerang, has it? Or are they saying that unless we stop picking holes in every public procurement and our media turns its cameras away and let them loot the kitty, we wont buy anything that we are in dire need of?

I am not sure if the cynicism expressed by us would stir the folks that run our government or not – just to prove us wrong, if nothing else – but what I am sure about is that we are sitting Mumbai ducks – helplessly awaiting the next jolt that would hit us. We don’t even know whether it will be a bomb blast, an accident, or a master con job cheating the taxpayer of his hard-earned money? And on a day that goes by without being hit by a blast, we may assume that Rahul Gandhi’s men must’ve foiled someone’s nasty bid on our lives! How else could we justify his claim of 99% success in foiling terrorism attacks? But if that 1% that remains uncovered means that we shall continue to suffer attacks on innocent city dwellers now and then, chances are that we shall accept this new reality as our “new normal” – a recently invented term to deal with deteriorating quality of our lives. In days to come, we may not watch post-blast news analysis or read such blogposts, having taken it in our stride as we do our corruption, insensitivity, inaction and the apathy of the auhorities serving in public offices.

Maybe we would hurt the perpetrators with our indifference. Huh?

Jai ho!

Aur Kya, Pak?

So after all the best efforts from our side, Aman ki Asha has turned into a Nirasha. I am saying ‘our side’ because I am not sure about the other side. In the past several months, columnists and bloggers have been debating over how to deal with our wayward neighbouring state, which has gone from strength to super-strength in the field of new-age worldwide terrorism – from setting up training camps to nurturing masterminds drawn from military bodies to plan and execute terrorist attacks on innocent civilians and yet escape from international action of the UN, by calling them actions of “non-state actors”!

This ‘non-state actors’ card of Pak, put us Indians in a dharma-sankat of sorts. How can any country fight another, if their home-grown, but not state-sponsored mind you - terrorist outfits - act spontaneously and attack innocent people in other countries? It would need to distinguish between the people of that country from the unlawful terrorist outfits thriving therein. Wont they? While some of us have been insisting that dialogues with Pakistan must continue, others have been sceptical about the “lets talk” proposal, demanding tougher options and discarding it as a sign of weakness.

Some have argued that when we say we must talk, does not mean we must speak “sweet nothings”, but instead talk – talk tough – demand action on terrorists – put a stop to the only visible exports from that country – of fully trained, highly motivated, trigger-happy jihadi youngsters, who have no other options to earn a living. So that is what most of those who wanted talks wished the negotiating team to do – talk tough!

“Stop it – or else…….” Or else, what, one wonders?

Reminds me of a joke about a Texan cowboy who rode on his horse to a wayside inn for a drink and meal and then went off to sleep. When he woke up, he found that his horse had been stolen! He climbed to the rooftop of the wayside inn, fired a round into the sky and shouted “Hey listen you guys! If you don’t return my horse, I will do, what I did in Texas!”.
Nobody turned up with his horse. After delivering the threat on a higher pitch couple of times, he returned to his seat to find the owner of the Inn waiting to ask him “What did you do in Texas, Sir?” “Well” he replied, pulling his hat over his face, “I walked back home!”.

Our situation is no different. We want them to sit up and listen and to take action on what they call ‘non-state actors’. But how committed are they to do it? If the leads from the investigation of David Coleman Headley, were to be believed, we could now say that the officials of the ISI were involved in the terrorism attack on Mumbai. If this is proved….hey wait, but Pakistan will demand evidence - something that their eyes are not designed to spot, even if it were to stare in their face…. that would mean they also have “State Actors” playing along “Non-State Actors”!

Indians will have debates, more debates, talks, and more talks. Some experts are still saying we should continue to have people to people contacts. Sure we can continue our pak-pak, as we usually do over cellphones - never hang up and ask “Aur kya?”, "Aur bata" - It will keep us talking forever!

So there you are –
Pak has “Non-state actors” and “State actors”
India has “State non-actors” and “Non-State non-actors”!
And Pak knows that!

Blogger’s Post-script – Like the remaining Billions of Indians, yours truly is equally at his wits’ end about how to deal with Pak. Without really wanting to hurt any of those, who think they know, of course!

Lest we remember...

To all those critics, who kept asking “What have we learnt from 26/11?”, I have this to offer in reply:

1. RR Patil has learnt that making blasphemous statements like “Aise chhote mote haadse hote rahte hain” (such minor incidents keep happening) can get you a much-needed vacation until you get back into action in the same Ministry.
2. RR Patil has also learned that he should speak in Marathi and then blame it on the translators for misinterpretting him.
3. Vilasrao Deshmukh has learnt that striking a deal with Bollywood directors for their next blockbuster adds value to one’s CV and helps you get a Union Minister post while the lay public is pleased with the “prompt action taken”.
4. The public has learnt to take these “smart moves” in their stride. After all, their removal was only to keep their critics quiet - the aam aadmi was only hoping for improvement in the security measures to avoid such breaches in future, weren’t they?
5. We have learnt that we need a common enemy in a foreign land to unite us – even if it is for a short while and even with that we don’t keep united for long..
6. We have also learnt that, soon enough, some of our politicians will remind us of our regional, religious and other affiliations and pit us against each other so that we are engaged in fighting each other rather than how to deal with external threats.
7. Tourism operators have learnt how to capitalise on the incident and promote “terror-tourism” by organising visits to Leopold Café, Taj Mahal Hotel, Hotel Trident and Nariman Bhavan. Maybe they could throw in a visit to Dharavi as a free “slum-tourism” package, popularised by the award-winning “Slumdog Millionaire” (or vice versa)
8. We have learnt that kind souls do set up NGOs and assistance groups to look into the problems of those affected by the terror attack
9. We have also learnt that Government Cheques do bounce!
10. We have learnt to wait for the next anniversary.

We could go on…..So it isn’t that we haven’t learnt!

Now that the first 26/11 anniversary is behind us and we’re done with lighting the candles, floral tributes and joining the peace marches or whatever it is that makes us feel we’ve done our bit for those who laid down their lives, it is time to move on with life. At least until the next anniversary becomes due in 2010. By which time, we may pitch the counter-terrorism ball shorter and not with the same pace or force as this time around.

The first anniversary was also timely – at least for Madhu Koda, whose story receded into the background while the nation paid tributes to the national heroes and the media shifted focus from scams to martyrs and heroes of 26/11. Also, fortunately for scamsters like Ramalinga Raju and Madhu Koda, the nation does not observe any anniversaries of scams! Naturally, since nobody dies – we all continue to live, albeit duped and deprived. How about a “scam tourism package” thrown in, now that we have a portfolio of scams to boast of? Perhaps the only thing that may remind us of a past scam is the next bigger scam! How about a new mega scam around 26/11/2010?

Bloggers' Post-Script: Readers of the blog who have not yet read my interview featured on Webneetech.com may read the same in this link here.

Do read my microblogpost on India-tweets "The other cheek please"

THE GOOD WAYS

With the economic downturn taking its toll on employment in the US, would you be surprised if you were told that Americans are looking for a GOOD job?

What’s new? One would wonder. Wasn’t that happening all the time?
Except that a GOOD job that we are learning about now, is a “Get Out Of Debt” job.

While most orthodox Indians have been shunning debt and viewing it as a burden, Americans have been known to have embraced the idea of being perpetually in debt so much so that…. “until debt do us apart”, was perhaps the only foreseeable end of the hugging enchantment for it. Living beyond their means had been a way of life encouraged by one and all.

So when one learns that Americans are looking for a GOOD job, one wonders whether a well paying job to settle the debts would really work? Or will they, having heaved themselves a few notches up, go for bigger loans to enter a higher spiral or orbit?

But the world is really worried, not because they might get into the Debt trap again, but because they wouldn’t get enticed by it. Because if they do turn over a new leaf, live within their means and spend within their means, it will mean an economic downturn will affect China, India and the emerging markets.

So many people depend on their not-so-GOOD ways of life! Not to worry – it is very difficult to get out of habits – especially bad ones. It is as difficult as it is to get into good ones though.

You may have learnt about the how this wonderful little word sticks on to us:
HABIT
Remove H, A BIT still remains.
Remove A, BIT still remains.
Now, remove B, and IT still remains!

So millions of people living in emerging economies live in the hope that Americans will not change their ways and continue to spend. But wouldn’t this change only cause a temporary drop in the economic activity, eventually continuing to grow once the ‘adjustment’ to the new way of life is complete? Would not the new way of life find Americans steer clear of going overboard and do away with ‘NINJA’ loans (‘No-Income-No-Jobs or Assets’ loans) that eventually led to the economic collapse?

It is commonly observed that it is easy to get into any situation and difficult to get out of it. Just as Americans are finding it difficult to get out of debt, several Indians investing in equities, are finding themselves in the same predicament. There are loads and loads of experts to advise how to invest, but not a single soul to advise when or how to exit from it. So we find millions of small investors trapped in the share market. However, we can take respite in the statistics which tells us that not more than 5% of Indians have entered the equity markets.

So where are these remaining 95% Indians trapped, if not in equities and debts? Perhaps in vices like excessive spending, smoking, drinking, tobacco or god forbid, even drugs. Several such habits that tempt us along life’s path. You can choose your ‘drug’ – your opiate, as in your chosen substance or habit that gives you “a high” or “a kick”, that you must have or partake. You can spend your lifetime in it – until it kicks you. You will find yourself in a situation like Abhimanyu did, in the epic Mahabharata, who knew how to get into the battlefield - but not how to come out of it. Perhaps this episode cited in the great epic is a symbolic message to us all to avoid the several traps in our life’s path.

But there is hope for those who wish to come out of this chakravyuha - you can choose to lead a GOOD life – a Get Out Of Drugs (drug= your opiate) life. When enemies are within, one finds it difficult to strike. Difficult choices exist, if one is determined, one can break free and Get Out Of Disaster.

Countries get into war-like situations in much the same way. War seems like the only solution. Countries get into one without knowing how they will come out of it. Getting into a war is easy, getting out of it isn’t. War can mean Devastation, Destruction, Destabilization. Oh, so many D’s to eventually get out of! Yet, we find ourselves wanting to get into this situation – without knowing for how long and how to get out of it!

The terror attacks in Mumbai, has angered us all. We want action against terrorists. We want to carry out a precise surgical attack on terrorist camps. We are not against any country but what lies within it. Surprisingly, Pakistan, India, US, the entire world wants to take action against terrorists, but they don’t join hands in doing so. We have a common enemy, but we don’t fight together. We fight each other. Because that is something we know how to do. But there is no expert to tell us how to fight a faceless, nameless phenomenon called Terrorism. We need to learn to fight the scourge of terrorism together. For which we need to first Get Out Of Disputes amongst ourselves. There is always a first time. And most importantly, there is still some hope.

Wishing all people Getting Out Of D's GOOD luck!

Wishing you all a Happy New Year 2009!

Hope the New Year shows us some GOOD ways of living together

‘GOOD’ as in Get Out Of Dangerous ways of living!


Blogger's Postscript 1: Disclaimer - There are exceptions to the observations. If it does not apply to anyone, it is for this very reason. A few exceptions often go to prove the overall trends cited.
Blogger's Postscript 2: Recent events have compelled me to post some of my thoughts related to important matters that affect our life. Do expect some of these off and on and not as another attempt at 'di-worse-ification'.

Kasab is not a Pakistani!

I would like to begin my post with the findings of a little bit of reading and a small study, that I conducted recently, which incidentally, is also the title.

The result:
Kasab is not a Pakistani!

Already I can imagine a crowd in front of me shouting:
“How come?”
“Are you influenced by one Mr. AR Antulay?”
“You’re out of your mind!”
“You’re a traitor!”
“You are with the enemy country!”
“Are you joining politics?”

Why, not only my own friends and fellow bloggers, well-wishers, even my own family members might launch a counter-attack on my utterance! My wife would say, “Enough of that What nonsanz, now, this is getting too much!”

My daughter, in her inimitable style would say, “Oh, You’ve lost it all!”

But let me repeat it for you:
Kasab is not a Pakistani!

What makes me arrive at such an unpopular, outrageous, ridiculous conclusion? Do I have any evidence to this so -called finding?

Of course I do. To understand what I mean, read the news item that appeared in the newspapers after Amir Ajmal or Mohammad Ajmal or Mohammad Ajmal Iman …..or whatever his name…(several newspapers are calling him by different names), was caught alive after the CST killings in Mumbai.

Perhaps you have read it too!

But I reproduce the relevant text below for you:

Excerpt from the article below:
According to a source, when the crime branch personnel asked Ajmal Amir for his surname, he said he didn't have one. This put the policemen in a quandary as the officials always record the surname of a complainant in the FIR.

They then used the "Indian way'' to get around this hurdle. As several Indians have derived their surnames from their traditional profession-such as Mali for gardners, Kumbhare for potters among others-the policemen decided to do the same with Mohammed Ajmal.

They asked him for his father's profession and learnt that he was a butcher-the officials then entered his surname as Kasab (Urdu for butcher).

Ok, so there you have it!

Kasab is not his name. He got it here from the Mumbai Police! They christened him!

I wonder if they had a small little ceremony, perhaps not, since the TV didnt cover it!
But their seniors must have loved the name.
The electronic media certainly loved the name.
The newspapers too loved the name.
Mind you, each and every newspaper and TV channel calls him Kasab!
Kasab - nothing else!

That’s not all.
The Indian Government loved the name.
Everyday they claim “Kasab is a Pakistani!”

And guess what? The Pakistani Government loved it too!
Oh they just loved us for that favor!
Every day they emphasise:
“Kasab is not a Pakistani!”
Because there was no person by name of “Kasab” involved in the terror attack!
They may have looked up the record of those born and/or residing in Faridkot by the name of "Kasab". So that one could stand the most stringent international scrutiny!

The Pak Government is now happily chanting
“Kasab is not a Pakistani!”
So isnt that right?

They are only saying “Kasab is not a Pakistani”. Nothing else!

Because, my dear ones, the arrested terrorist, is not “Kasab”.

If the report about the origin of the new name, ‘Kasab’, awarded by the Mumbai Police is true, which I suppose it would be, would it not have been better to have avoided its reference in future news items? Would it not be prudent to stick to the name declared by the arrested individual in all future legal proceedings instead of the name thrust upon him?

I do hope you will not ask, “What’s in a name?”

So, until the authorities put an end to what they gave birth to on Indian soil, which I very much hope they do, let me say "Merry Christmas, 'Kasab'!". After all it is just a brand new name!

I hope things are set right and that I wouldn't have to wish 'Kasab' for the coming new year too!

To end my post, I cite a quote that comes to mind:
I tell you everything that is really nothing, and nothing of what is everything, do not be fooled by what I am saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I am not saying. ~Charles C. Finn

Vote for me @ Dubbagol!

The Foot-in-Mouth Disease

[Notice: This is not a humorous piece except for some limericks at the end of it. The cautionary statement implies that my other posts were supposed to be…. Didnt know, did you?]

When fellow-blogger Indian Home Maker (IHM) asked me “No post on the politician’s gaffe?” I had responded to her that it was no laughing matter and that I had no intention of posting what everyone is already reading about in the press and the reports on TV.

But when I read this editorial in Times of India, “Learn to Talk – Politicians must be trained to handle mass media”, dated 4th December 2008, I was prompted to write a letter to the Editor, TOI, which may not get published due to their perpetual shortage of print space. I produce it below, exclusively for my blog readers!

Text of my letter sent to the Editor TOI

“This refers to the editorial “Learn to Talk – Politicians must be trained to handle mass media” (Dec 4). One wonders whether these incidents were a result of inadequacy of skills in dealing with the mass media at all? For once, the general public got a glimpse of what goes on in their minds, when the moment of truth arrived suddenly, unannounced.

RR Patil couldn’t have thought that the oft-repeated dialogue in a Bollywood block-buster DDLJ, (which goes something like “itne bade desh mein aisi chhoti choti batein hoti rehti hain”), would entertain the aam admi, did he? I would tend to agree with him if he had truthfully agreed that “Aise haadse hote rahte hain”, because that indeed is what is happening! And again, that is exactly what we are up in arms against, and the entire public is seeking your action against!

You just need to be a sensitive citizen to say “I understand the loss suffered by Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan’s father and empathise with him in his loss” instead of referring to the canines calling on them..

In fact one expects all politicians to say “We understand your anger, you are justified and we need to pull up our socks and put our house in order” instead of defending themselves. Would any training be necessary to teach them this elementary stuff? I beg to differ that they need skills to face the media. Would we need an institute to teach our politicians basic human values of compassion, respect, concern for public, accountability? If so, go ahead and build that institute - the one that sets their thinking right!”

Friends, my last post being that on limericks, I was tempted to write a limerick based on this episode too, which goes thus:-

Our leaders speak at length with ease,
we have to beg them to stop, “o, please!”
With the recent attacks,
the best of wisecracks
got infected by the foot-in-mouth disease!
[That’s me getting better each day - always wanting to improve,ahem!]

Blogger’s Post Script
1. Readers may pardon my posting serious articles here. I cannot resist it with such overwhelming feelings overcoming my thoughts daily. As Prasoon Joshi says “Is baar Nahin”. I may keep posting something about our struggle and sharing our success which is imminent.

2. Friends, I have some really spicy, naughty limericks that I will put up only after you all send me one limerick each (at least)! Now this tag is for all my readers and all fellow bloggers, who may or may not have commented on my blog!

Having provided you with the bare basics
there is no such thing as a quick-fix.
Please sit down and think
and maybe, have a drink,
so you can send some funny, naughty limericks
[Oh that’s me again! The drink will not be sponsored by me]

Tight security needed please!

You dont have to switch on the TV Channels these days to hear about the anger that is evident among Indians about the helplessness and frivolously equipped security agencies and cops in Mumbai. Everybody in trains, buses, canteens, offices are talking about it. The newspapers are reporting how woefully inadequate is the provision of ammunition and how outdated and ineffective they are.

There are reports about lack of training facilities like practice shooting tracks and several cops not having fired a single practice shot in the last several decades! Appalling to say the least. We cannot expect our lathi-wielding cops to take on well-trained, well-equipped specially trained terrorists, can we? The problem of lack of training and practice is so acute that it has been reported in the press that a veterinarian doctor once called the police to fire a tranquilliser bullet into an elephant and the poor cop missed the elephant from a distance of 10 feet!

Against this backdrop, we find that the worthless politicians get Z-Security to protect themselves. While we get ZZZzzz Security! Mumbai Cartoonist Satish Acharya, whose cartoons are regularly published in Mid-Day has so beautifully created this cartoon from an idea provided by me. Collaborative blogging! Thanks, Satish.

We need some tighter Security please! And when I mean "tight" it is not the type where the security gulps down some spirits and gets "tight", for heaven's sake!

Do sign on this online petition to press for some real action! Let us not ZZZZZZzzzzzz over an important matter needing urgent attention!

Do Vote for me at Dubbagol!

In the Thick of Pink

I hope this post finds you in the pink...of health, I mean. Lots of guys are reeling under a heap of pink...pink slips, I hope you steer clear from it, that is! A Lehman Brothers employee has written about the mood in his office. He says that he has nothing to do with the cause of the hurricane Lehman that swept US and most of his colleagues are now worried - who would want to employ them now?

If you had been someone who had been responsible for it, my dear friend, you would have got the fattest severance package in the history of US mega corporations! And some dozen offers to boot from several firms to take them to dizzier heights, just for the thrills they seek.

By the way, since the US has been in the habit of naming hurricanes, why don’t they even begin naming the now certain waves of ‘financial crisis’, which also happen with some degree of certainty and regularity. The last wave saw the closure of Enron and Worldcom. This wave has just begun and has already seen several corporations reeling – Freddie Mac, Fanny Mae, Merrill Lynch, AIG, Lehman Brothers and still counting.

Maybe what we have seen is just the tip of the iceberg, the US Financial Crisis is the biggest misadventure in recent times. Recent times, incidentally means since the 1920’s, which saw the Great Depression!

Back home, there are huge signboards which scream:

“TV HO TO BIG TV HO!”
[Hindi for "If you must have a TV, it must be BIG TV"]

So, if one shouts out this slogan across mountains like Amitabh Bacchan does in “The Last Lear”, an echo will be heard from across the continents, thus:

“FINANCIAL CRISIS HO TO BIG FINANCIAL CRISIS HO!”
If truth be told, calling it a ‘financial crisis’ is a euphemism by itself, reducing the impact on what could be otherwise called a biggest fraud on innocent taxpayers and honest investors committed by builders, bankers and undeserving borrowers.

BTW, if you thought only people face the pink slip, think again. Some words in English are also facing the same fate. The Collins Dictionary is considering dropping 26 words from its next edition, since nobody is really using them. Read the report here - Words out of English Dictionary.

Now, Surgery will be assisted by Robots!
Recent reports and an article in Mumbai Mirror suggest that robots would be able to assist surgeons better than Operation Theatre nursing assistants.

So would nursing assistants also face a pink slip?

If someone really deserves a pink slip, it is the terrorists, who have been striking at regular intervals in this region - for doing their jobs well, though. But to do the honors, India’s Home Minister needs to take some tough action, or face the very same prospect – of a pink slip.

Blogger's Post Script: Today is Daughter's Day! Read Daughters are Forever blogpost!