A Tickle after a Tipple!

Curious readers of my blog have been asking me whether there is even an iota of truth in my previous posts! While one reader has not been able to resist the temptation to ask me for my full view photograph after reading “Right in the Middle” and have even (tongue-firmly-in-cheek) commented that Einstein has deceived me by promising to popularize my blog!

Before the Department of Blogging in the Ministry of Communications notifies a rule to declare the contents of my blog, let me voluntarily declare it as follows:

Truth – 8% w/w*
Creative Imagination – 7% w/w
Stupidity – 25% w/w
Deceit, Lies and the like - 25% w/w
Unnecessary words as fillers – qs**

* w/w - word by word **qs – quantity sufficient – balance %

Readers would be curious to know how I tickle post after post with this kind of content. Suspicion has been raised whether my output is the after-effects of some spirits, going by several names and forms and available freely in our country. That I tickle better after a tipple! I am not offended – I understand, given the several virtues attributed to the habit in the media, of late.

Nutritionists and researchers have been discovering several benefits" from consuming these liquids, which make their way to the head before leaving the system from all the pores in one’s body! Want a healthy heart? Want to live a long life? Looking for an aphrodisiac? Want to clear your mind from confusion? Want to reduce your cholesterol with anti-oxidants? Whatever…whatever you may need to improve your health. The one sure shot answer to all your problems is that shot of wine or beer, that you have been branding villainous till date - that is what you are being told.

Newspapers and web pages are agog with reports of recent research findings on the virtues of drinking! The government could ban advertisements but not surrogate ads. So we had music cassettes, holidays, party organizers, rock bands and what-have-you masquerading as proxy spirits. But nothing to beat the idea of “research findings”. “Cheap ma Cheap ave Best ma Best!”, as my gujju friend puts it! It is a world of ideas!

Before you begin to throw stones at researchers, think again. When a visionary scientist first announced to the world excitedly the earth was round not flat, he was stoned as they thought he was a lunatic! While we have Thomas L. Friedman boldly declaring "The World is Flat" to make his millions! So just don’t pick up that stone yet and think about the discovery of a Raam-Baan Upaay, as they say in Marathi -a panacea for all ills (except, for the liver – pun intended!)

Another research finds that plain water (with 0.00000008% pesticide, of course) offers the same benefits as Beer with 8% alcohol content! But it is not getting much attention - we are in a different business, I hope you understand!

A researcher friend has confided in me and shared the latest subject of his research - the effect of wine and beer on dogs! Why dogs? Well, don’t you know the crisis befallen upon the BMC authorities in Mumbai and the animal welfare activists when a stray dog bit a 9-year old girl? BMC Mumbai has slapped a fine of Rs. 500 on any one who feeds dogs with biscuits, bones and food meant for human consumption! But there is no fine yet on feeding them on wine or beer! Hence the necessity (read: opportunity for some)…and you can bet that the researchers will come to the conclusion that “dogs never bite after a tipple, as they do after a meal of biscuits, bones and food meant for human consumption”. I hope you understand how it all works!

I am looking for the venue and time of the PETA demonstration in town to highlight the issue - what with delicate, delectable humans trying to connect with the other animals of the world, by shedding their threads in public - all for a good cause!

Bloggers Note 1 : I solemnly declare that this is not an invitation to drink. Even if one thinks it is, it would be foolish to expect me to pay the bill. A related joke in this respect that I had read somewhere goes thus:

A bully entered a bar and announced to the pleasure of all present – “When I drink, everyone drinks” and ordered a drink for all.

When the bill came around, he said “ When I pay, everybody pays”

Bloggers Note 2 : I get high on Plain water with 0.00000008% pesticide. It works just as well.

Blogger’s Note 3 : Management students call it “statistics”, Magicians call it “illusion”, Lawyers call it “evidence (or lack of it); Politicians call it “speech”; authors call it “fiction”; Bloggers, like me call it “Creative Writing”; and businesses call it “research”!

If readers call it “Lies” so be it! We dont like this four-letter word.

Announcing My Brand New Blog - No jokes!

Dear Friends,

When I began blogging earlier this year, I had been posting light humorous write-ups based on common observations and not-very common thinking in a manner that would attract readers.

From the feedback that poured in, it is safe to assume that I have achieved my objective to give my blog a purpose – to tickle readers to loud outbursts of laughter! Lots of LOLs! Somewhere down the road, I thought it apt to call my write-ups “Artickles” and not “articles”.

Some of my posts may not be as humorous as some others. But I assure readers that they will be interesting and in lighter vein! It is natural for readers to consider posting an interesting but serious subject in the “Artickles” blog, as deceptive and criminal.

So, what then would yours truly do if while trying to write a humorous piece - and it turns out to be a serious, thought-provoking piece? Or when I want to touch, not ‘tickle? I would post such write-ups on my other blogs.

"Small Steps along the way", for instance.

Also, some of my older articles, which were published in newspapers many years ago will be posted in “My articles" , as and when time permits (there are 2 posted already!). I would also post new articles which are not "Artickles" here if they do not fit into the theme of Small Steps blog.

If for any reason, readers would like to partake of some thought-provoking material such as current affairs, investment, politics, educational reforms and so on, I have listed some blogs, which I have liked in “My Favorite Blogs” alongside. I would continue to add to these whenever I come across interesting stuff on the www. I dont worry about the competition (my only real competitors are Laloo Prasad Yadav and Navjot Singh Siddhu).

But if you insist on more humor, you can visit

Cartoonist Satish Acharya’s Blog, - I have blog-rolled him recently!

Readers have posted comments, written me emails, even posted their review of my blog on Stumble Upon! I sincerely thank all readers for taking the time to read and to even leave a comment or write me appreciative mails!

I have also been tagged by Rachana Shakyawar. To know more about what the tag is read her post!

My response to her tag is below:

Questions
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food? Right now?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. What is your dream vacation?
7. What is your favorite drink?
8. What is your favorite dessert?
9. What do you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. What is the one word that describes you?
12. What is your user name?

Answers
1. Gopinath
2. Fish Fry
3. St. Lawrence High School
4. Blue
5. Preity Zinta
6. Himachal Pradesh – Himalayas, Mountains
7. Lime Juice
8. Chocolate
9. Old man
10. Peace of mind
11. Restless
12. Gopinath




1. Gorgeous Pic of Lord Krsna, 2. Untitled, 3. 2001 - Present: UO campus, 4. 2008.01.30 Blue Moutains Tour - 075, 5. Preity Zinta at Cannes, 6. Is this what you mean by "fluids intake"?, 7. Is this what you mean by "fluids intake"?, 8. 14th August 2007 / Day 226, 9. I Wanna Grow Old with You, 10. Comfortable*, 11. Not available, 12. Gorgeous Pic of Lord Krsna

I tried to be funny but the rules did not permit me - I hate rules!

Wishing all fellow Indians A Happy Independence Day!

Gopinath Mavinkurve

Animal Qualms

If you are not as blind as a bat, you may simply bury your head in the sand like an ostrich when I tell you that some animals are up in arms, or shall we say, paws, to pick up the cudgels for their ilk against the only political animal on earth, the human being, who is indulging in hurling insults at them by attributing their unworthy behavior and nasty habits to some or the other animal, time and again.

Some time ago, monkeys had called for a high-level meeting to take action against a prominent Indian cricketer for calling his Australian counterpart a “monkey”. Having moved a motion to condemn all such insults against them, they vowed to take action against any person, who makes such derogatory remarks in public domain. I would urge you not to consider this as “monkey business”, but to take this threat seriously!

If you thought the meeting to fight the menace was attended by monkeys alone, think again! Each of the species was part of the historic meeting, and it was unanimously agreed that a committee would be formed to deal with the insults hurled at the members of the non-political animals on earth.

At a recent meeting of this newly formed committed, a canine representative had a list of dialogues from Bollywood flicks, such as, “Kamine, Kutte” (Hindi for “Scoundrel, dog”) and several others of the kind, which needed to be dealt with a firm hand…er.. paw. The owl, jerked out of his deep slumber, a result of having stayed up all of earlier night, and registered the offense against owls by the “Ullu-ke-Patthe” (Hindi for son-of-an-owl) uttered on-screen, besides calling naive members of the so-called evolved species an “ullu” (hindi, for owl), which is derogatory for the nocturnal avian.

Their wily cousins, the fox, seconded their cause and added that the cunningness attributed to them was as outdated and archaic as Indian laws. In fact, if cunningness were to be measured on an independent scale, you would find that the political animal has elbowed out the fox out of the cunningness race ever since India’s Independence. The pig pitched in saying he was only “earthy” and not “dirty”, as was being portrayed.

The donkey, though equally insulted by likening them to dim-witted folks, could not represent his case and almost made an ass of himself at the forum. While the fast paced front-runner stallion, with much horse power to back his argument, raced into the arena with a banner saying “Comparing Horses with Politicians offends us”. A mare followed with a banner saying, “Horse-trading leads to Nightmares!”

The tortoise wished to put on record that due to the pace at which certain government and municipal bodies worked, it was not in order to draw parallels of with the motor capabilities of their species when matters actually moved (or did not) at a bureaucratic pace. The pug however thanked the advertising agency for portraying his ‘happy-to-help’ attitude and to all concerned to take up the issue of his ill-treatment when chasing a bus in the same manner as the young lad named Buddhia, without any discrimination. Except that the pug let the proverbial cat out of the bag when he revealed that he was really enjoying the shoot and not given a run for his money or for his moment-of-fame, for that matter!

In a corner a bull and a bear sat silently with their laptops flashing charts and tickers moving rapidly. They seemed least interested in the proceedings at the mundane meeting. When asked about their thoughts, they responded that they had no qualms at all. They had been given their place of pride in the premier stock markets. They were reportedly busy playing havoc with the greed and fear factor, making humans sick on the roller-coaster ride of the bourses, while they jostled playfully.

Sharing their experience, they talked about a certain large-sized investor, who would change his appearance from that of a Bull to that of a Bear faster than a chameleon can change colors. After a hard day’s tussle, the bulls and bears would settle down, they said, in front of television sets, “watching a handsome guy, who calls himself “Udayan Mukherjee” and appears on a popular Business Channel, reporting about guys licking their wounds and asking a host of self-proclaimed “experts”, just one question - if they could "see a bottom in place"!.

The donkey finally rose to the occasion and said that if the question was posed to him instead of the so-called “investment experts”, he could land one with the rear-guard action that he is accustomed to on one. Viola - you will have a hurting bottom in place! So, guys don’t brood over this story at a zebra-crossing, stop the menace of hurling insults at animals. And don’t you just consider this another cock-and-bull story. If you have some horse sense, you would know that the story is neither hogwash nor humbug - it is based on reliable sources. A little bird, for instance.

Blogger's Whisper: Psst…You could call my write-up
"Tons of Bull-$*!t" though!

© Gopinath Mavinkurve 2007-2008. All Rights Reserved.

Seeing is Believing! See pics below:

A Dog up in arms… when I say arms, I mean arms – not paws!

















A Monkey registering its complaint with a Cricket official














Read about the most intellingent owl – trained to perform by an expert!

A web-link of the most intelligent owl according to the trainer who trained it to perform stunning acts

If you are moved by the story, and have decided to treat animals with love, you may be interested in knowing how to look after your donkey (Link Below)

Blogger Whisper # 2: I dont need to upload the photograph of the donkey - the photograph along with the profile is already appearing on my blog from the very beginning!