Right in the Middle!

As promised, my latest artickle, a humourous take on myself!
It is always better to pull your own leg, isn't it?

Link to the published article in "Indian Express", a well-known daily newspaper published in India http://www.indianexpress.com/story/312848.html


TIME OUT
Middle man
Gopinath Mavinkurve
Posted online: Thursday, May 22, 2008 at 0000 hrs
Such a long journey to reach my own toenails

When my wife subtly reminded me to cut my overgrown toenails, little did I imagine that the task would be a challenge in itself. Armed with the nail-cutter, I tried to reach the superfluous growth at the extreme end of my body, but to no avail. While I could take care of my fingernails from time to time, it was the toenails that eluded my attention. Was it due to the shoes, which covered the sight of my toenails for most part of the day, shielding them from the onslaught of the implement?
The real culprit lay between the position of my eyes and the position of my toenails, right in the middle. I have come across several obstacles, but never one that grew on me! The central growth, often attributed to prosperity, was the cause of my predicament. Several tidbits regularly made their way into my mouth between sumptuous meals, and were the cause of my “all-round” growth. Help began pouring in from well-wishers. “Let me tell you a simple yoga for this,” said one. “When you are offered some more food... look the person in the eye, shake your head sideways, until the offer is withdrawn.” How could I overcome my cravings for all things sinfully sweet? After Oscar Wilde, “I can resist anything, but temptation.”

My sedentary lifestyle! The only time I walked was when I “walked through” a Powerpoint presentation, and the only time I “jumped”, was when I was in a queue. “Aerobic exercises. Turn on your music system and dance vigorously, as though no one is seeing you,” prescribed a fitness expert. After a couple of days of the near-hysterical workout, I was hurting in parts of my body that I never knew existed. The deeper meaning of “dard-e-disco” dawned on me. My next well-wisher, a salesperson by profession, urged me to buy a treadmill and some exercise accessories, which he could offer at a “special price”, so that I could burn my fat at home. After learning of the damage it would cause to my bank balance, I decided to go for a brisk walk around the neighbourhood, instead. At last, my first step in my long brisk walk has been taken. It is said that a journey of a thousand miles begins with a small step. I have miles to go before I reach my own toenails!
Feedback to my email: g_mavinkurve@hotmail.com

Feedback Letter Published in the Indian Express dated 23rd May 2008
Text of Letter:

Salad days

• If I ever chuckled, from the first line to the last, it was on reading Gopinath Mavinkurve’s ‘Middle man’.The middle of a middle-aged man does have much to do with food, especially gulab-jamuns or rosogollas, if you like Bengali sweets. But there is a simpler way out — begin with a plate full of salad and end your meal with more salad, eating only salad through it. If you fill your stomach with salads alone, neither will you yield to temptation nor will you sport a paunch.

— Parimal Y. Mehta

Mumbai

DETERMINED DIGGERS UNITE!

Published in the Times of India edit page article titled "Steeple Chase - No Stone Unturned" on 7th August 2008



DETERMINED DIGGERS UNITE!
By Gopinath Mavinkurve
http://content.msn.co.in/Contribute/Lifestyle/UCStory6769.htm
My friend send me an SMS which goes thus: “Idhar Khuda hai, Udhar Khuda hai, Jahan bhi dekho, udhar Khuda Hai..or Jidhar Khuda nahin hai………..Udhar kal khudega!”

Each day as we travel the distance from our home to our karmabhoomi, our place of work, commuters are faced with the daunting task of keeping themselves busy along the way. While the distance has remained the same, the time taken to reach the destination keeps increasing day by day! A hoarding put up right in the middle of the road, explains it all: “Bear With Us Today for a Better Tomorrow”! The prospect of a better tomorrow brightens up the morning. Hoping for a better today, would amount to expecting too much, right?

Every high-powered meeting begins hours after the scheduled time, with the dignitaries blaming their late arrival on the work being carried out by the determined diggers, somewhere en route, who work incessantly for our better future. Besides providing the eternal excuse for late-comers, the incessant act of digging up the roads also offer enough substance for the talk-show organizers on the various TV Channels, always on the look out for a popular debate. The subject serves as a filler, once they are done with various historic subjects, which also involves digging, albeit of a different type – digging in the past. Which, incidentally is another national obsession, besides digging roads, by the way.

Participants display their indignation and narrate stories of untold hardships and sufferings, to the common man undertaking the safar on the city roads. The Hindi word “Safar” may have its roots in the English “Suffer”. Or is it the other way around? The harried participants often put the blame squarely on the lack of coordination among the multiple agencies, blessed with the powers to wield the mechanical diggers upon unsuspecting layers of tar and stones.

Suspicion has been raised, that these agencies are talking to each other all the time, planning where to strike next, and keep the digging going, lest the world believe they have been rendered redundant! Blessed with special powers, the esoteric group may have drawn up a long list of potential sites to assure their survival for a long time to come. The systematic, dignified and spirited manner, in which the agencies go about their digging, prompts me to suggest a common slogan for all agencies collectively, which goes thus… “We shall leave no stone unturned - Both, physically and literally!”.

Under the circumstances, I have decided to use the time to catch up on my reading and even write articles, like this one, during my journeys, instead of fretting and fuming. What’s wrong with the survival instinct, after all?

g_mavinkurve@hotmail.com

I learnt something new today!

Hi, friends!
I used to browse through some blogs and wonder how they had a counter on their blog!
Not being a techie, I thought they must be some wizards to have this configured.
A few clicks here and there and Viola! I have it too...
As for the Adsense, I wonder whether anyone would want to advertise on a blog which posts utter nonsense! Whatnonsanz! Or maybe they do - if admen fall for madmen!
I would be posting my brand of humour here. Creative writing, books, fun reading stuff would suit this blog! Are you guys listening?
Watch this blog for crazy posts as I will try to bring that smile on your face!
A smile is a curve that sets many things straight!
A prescription for all ills.
The only danger is of splitting your sides open once in a while.
So here we go.....
Gopinath Mavinkurve (c) 2008

My old friend begins to blog too!

Anil Mavinkurve has begun to blog too!
Please visit his blog www.mavins-voice.blogspot.com
And be sure to leave a comment if you agree with him. Leave two if you dont!
Gopinath Mavinkurve

DAUGHTERS ARE FOREVER!

Published in MSN Contribute as "Story of the Day" with "Editor's Choice" Tag!

http://content.msn.co.in/Contribute/Lifestyle/UCStory6576.htm

In 1989, Videocon’s ads were a regular feature, being flashed in the breaks between overs of Test matches. “Bring Home the Excitement!” the ads urged viewers to buy their television sets. When my wife, Amita, was due to deliver the baby, I told her, “Bring home the excitement!”

Amita delivered a bonny baby girl! (I wanted a baby girl!) Supriya was our excitement! When I did some acrobatics with the tiny one in my arms, just for thrills, she would laugh and demand more. “Aani”, Konkani for “More”, was a word she learnt very early in life. “Yeh Dil Maange More” (Pepsi)

Then came a time to adore Pappa. “My Daddy, Strongest!”, another popular catch-phrase ad-line. A phase that Daddies of the world pass through, albeit for a short while. Six packs not necessary. If truth be told, no need to be strong, either. All children think their father is the strongest, smartest dad in the world!

Once in school, we would encourage her to take part in various cultural activities like singing, painting, elocution and so on. It was then time to inculcate the “Just Do It!” (Nike) attitude so that she would participate in all events.

As she grew, and got into more complicated stuff (like Maths), she would make mistakes, only to learn from them, later. To inject the “first time right” attitude, we would urge not to resort to the “Surf Excel Hai Naa” attitude, which would only set her back.

Once into college, she would soar high and get into her own orbit - a world full of friends for chatting over the phone, Orkut, messenger. Pappa, Mamma become secondary. After hours of excited talk, interspersed with “Mad Only!” (MO) and countless giggles later, she finally hangs up.

I wonder whether “Deewana Bana De” (SETMAX) inspired her “MO”? Like a misfired cracker, it is directed towards one and all, me being no exception! Hope she passes through her “MO–phase” sooner than later. Supriya, my teenage daughter cannot be expected to be in awe of her Pappa. So when she calls me “Cute”, it certainly stands for “Causing Unnecessary Trouble Everywhere.”!

When we recently watched the touching movie “Father of the Bride” on TV together, it occurred to me that, one day, I too would have to get her married. But then, I would rather “Make the Most of Now!” (Vodafone)

No “Paraya Dhan” stuff for me. Daughters, not Diamonds, are forever! Needless to say, “I’m Loving It!” (McDonalds)

MOBILE SUPERMAN-IAC

MOBILE SUPERMAN-IAC
http://content.msn.co.in/Contribute/Technology/UCStory6342.htm

Would you have ever imagined that a simple telephone invented to talk to people over larger distances would transform so drastically and evolve into a multitasking gadget?

The simple telephone instruments in the yester-years with the dialing facility was the plain vanilla type of landline, which could be used to make calls to other such telephone lines through an exchange…after many beeps …and lots of hopes and prayers! The only other function they could perform was to serve as a paper-weight!

“Hello, How are you?”, is the friendly manner in which we used to begin our conversation in those days. With the advent of the mobile phones, we now begin the conversation with, “Where are you now…?”

That is going to change now once again. With the advent of the Global Positioning System, it would now be possible to locate the exact position of the person being called.

Our conversations now begin with “Why the hell are you in the Bar? You were saying there is some work in the Office!”

Anyway, on the positive side, with the new age mobile phones you can already do a lot of things, besides talking, as you know. FM Radio, Camera, Instant Messaging, emails, alarms alerting you for meetings, birthdays, TV programs.

With Bluetooth, Infrared, and what-have-you, it would be possible shortly to link up with your other gadgets and probably use it like a remote for your TV; turn on your AC; or defrost your refrigerator from anywhere in the world!

I would not be surprised if the miniature wonder gadget would even tell us of our Blood Pressure, Blood Sugar, pulse etc have gone out of the normal range… or even call up your doctor or send him a message on its own, without you having to move your finger, in such eventuality!

I wonder whether we will still call it a Mobile Phone? Or a Mobile Personal Assistant?

I foresee that it is not far away that I shall be in the Bar, My wife will call and say “You have had enough…I understand from the breathalyzer function installed in your Mobile Personal Assistant that you have already had 4 large ones!”

To which, I can only proclaim “Oh., Hell!”. Times would have turned a full circle from “Hello” to “Oh, Hell!”

Write Something!

http://content.msn.co.in/Contribute/Lifestyle/UCStory6317.htm
Write Something!
-by Gopinath Mavinkurve Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Blog this story

One of the emails I got from a reader, in response to a piece I wrote for the MSN Contribute recently, urged me to write more…”hopefully, something positive”, it says!
I had begun writing since I was in college for my college magazine and though it has been a long time, I am not a prolific writer, I must admit. My friends and close relatives always prod me to write more. But one of the basic problems when it comes to writing “something” is, “What do I write about?” The trouble is that any subject from Price Rise to the US Recession, from Raj Thakeray’s attack on Amitabh to Mayawati’s take on Rahul Gandhi’s visit to Dalit homes, I know very little about! And as to what I think about these incidents….well, what do I think? I normally don’t!
So let me write about writing! The first thing I was advised is to read a lot of books, newspapers and magazines. Back then in the ‘70s there wasn’t such a phenomenon as internet. My English teacher had a very useful tip to improve my English language. “If you want to perfect the language, not only talk in English, think in English!”. Believe me, this came in very handy!
In some of my initial articles, I had used very flowery language to show off my vocabulary. My friends would ask, “It was good… but what did you mean when….” An anecdotal tale from my well-wisher, which I treasure till date is about the writer, who always wrote and spoke flowery language, to such an extent, that he forgot simple, common words! It is said that this writer was trapped in a building, which caught fire! He opened the window and shouted, “Conflagration! Assistance!!”. The Poor fellow died! If only he were to shout “Fire! Help!!”, his life would have been saved. My next lesson was learnt. Use simple words!
Some of my initial contributions were just too long! They came back to me like a boomerang – along with the rejection slip, of course! This is when the lessons of “Precis-writing”, so laboriously learnt in school, came to my help. A well-known part of literature goes thus: “I could not make this letter shorter as I did not have much time”. This sentence, besides being a paradox, also impressed upon me that it takes time and effort to be brief and yet to express with precision and clarity. Indeed, Brevity is the soul of wit!
Finally, I got loads of feedback. I once even went across to some senior editors, who encouraged me to write! (inspite of my several shortcomings). It was only one of them who shared this anecdote on writing which goes as follows:
“A budding writer, who approached a well known author with his writings. The renowned scribe was kind enough to read them all and told him, "Your work is both original and interesting….” . The young lad was thrilled! “ …But the original part is not interesting and the interesting part is not original”, he concluded. The young lad’s heart sunk!!” I have been lucky indeed!
:“Why don’t you write?”, they would still go on! “I still do …but nobody publishes!” – I would never tell them!