No such thing as a stupid question!

Thank you, Blogadda, for selecting this post for the Tangy Tuesday Picks!

“The more important a question, the more unlikely it would have an answer”- A tweet posted by me on Twitter.

Follow me on Twitter! Twitter ID: @gopinathmm

My tweet was posted after several questions were raised by the television news channels after YSR’s helicopter went missing some time ago. “Why do you think so?” Asked a good friend of mine, to which I had no answer! Why do I think so? An important question, I thought! So that’s what I replied, “Too important a question…don’t have an answer”.

Having said that, was it indeed so? I wondered. So let’s look at the types of questions that one is faced with from time to time.

Ten Types of questions

1. “Nobody knows everybody cares” type – Investigation agencies, Commissions set up etc. will investigate these forever, but these mysteries may never be solved Unknowns remain unknowns and as time passes the answers elude us until it becomes impossible to get to the truth. These questions will crop up after every tragic incident and will haunt us until we move on to newer events and newer mysteries. Do people today want to know how Netaji Subhash Chandra Bose met his end? Forgotten, isn’t it? e.g.

a. Who killed Aarushi Talwar? Will he/she ever be brought to book?
b. Was the YSR helicopter tragedy a result of flouting safety norms?
c. Who is responsible for the Thekkady boat tragedy?
d. Will Afzal Guru and Ajmal Kasab be hanged for their crimes?

2. “Nobody knows Nobody cares” types – could be great to write about, though. e.g.

a. Which came first the chicken or the egg?
b. Why did the hen cross the road?

3. “What the experts think” – Important questions which only experts are expected to answer – but there are several experts and each one thinks differently, why not? One wonders whether we do have the right answers, after all? Readers/viewers’ queries are included in this category of questions. e.g.

a. Where will the stock markets go from here?
b. Will the real estate prices rise or drop in the next few months and years?
c. Gold? Dollar? Interest rates? Inflation?

4. “When will you do this?” type of question. More of a command really in the guise of a question. (generally from one’s spouse, but then not always), One may not get a proper answer- and results / actions aren’ guaranteed either. e.g.

a. When are you going to clean up the clutter?
b. When are you going to decide about this or the other?
c. When are you going to finish your work?

5. “What do you think?” Opinion poll kind of questions. As if it matters! You have your say but opinion is often divided so we find the stats on the screen to the Question of the Day at the end of the program. Nobody wins, nobody loses and nobody knows for sure. e.g.

a. Is the change in the educational pattern good or bad?
b. Has the RTI Act helped curb corruption?
c. Will the nth pay commission make Government jobs more attractive?
d. Should Archie marry Veronica or Betty?

6. “Why did you do this?” Tell us why - your reasons for your choices. There may be many reasons, but the one you tell will be the socially popular one – not necessarily the one that tilted the decision in its favor. e.g.

a. Why did you change your job?
b. What made you want to leave the country?

7. “When are you going to grow up and learn?” More a venting of frustration than a question seeking answers. The answer is known: Never - but hopes remain! e.g.

a. When are you going to grow up and learn to think for yourself?
b. When are you going to make up your mind about our new furniture?
c. When will Mumbai be able to tackle the flooding during the monsoons?
d. When will our politicians ever own up responsibility for their lapses?
e. When will we be free from the scourge of corruption?

8. Quiz Questions– Time to show off your knowledge base. You may have an answer here! After all you’ve been working on these trivia haven’t you? e.g.

a. Who is the world’s tallest living man?
b. Who is the oldest living person in the world?

9. A Good question - “ That’s a Good Question!” It could be any awkward question, a question that one was hoping wouldn’t be asked or even one which is so tricky that you needed time to decide how to respond and take a few breaths before you begin to answer, so just say it “That’s a good question!”

10. A Stupid Question – At the end of a training session, we have a Q&A session, which invariably begins thus: “There is no such thing as a stupid question. Ask any question!” So I ask the question and after the Q&A session, he concludes “How can questions be stupid? But people who ask them can certainly be!”

Have I missed out on any other types of questions?
Readers are encouraged to write in with their comments, instead of wondering:
“Whatnonsanz! Why the hell did I have to read such a stupid post?” Or
“Does he have to post such nonsanz stuff when he has nothing to say really?
“What kind of post is this?”
Btw, if you want to know the types of blog posts - do read this post by Shilpa Garg here.

The Tweet that wasn't!

Glad to find this post chosen for the Tangy Tuesday Picks

When I first encountered the phenomenon, I had no inclination to share with the world the answer to their question posed to me: “What are you doing?”! Why would someone want to know what I am up to? How would it help if someone knew that I was racking my brains for the next blogpost while my wife actually wanted me to get up and fetch the plumber. Would my follower come to my rescue? Suggest me an idea or better still fetch me that much-needed plumber and save our family from drowning….???

So it is with this characteristic disbelief in the power of a tweet that I joined Twitter and began telling the world what I was reading, what I was thinking and what I was doing. Thankfully Twitter did not expect me to tell the world what I was not doing! Like not paying attention to what my wife was saying or not paying my bills or insurance premia or whatever-it-is-that-ought-to-be-done. So the world could know about this only from my humor blog and not from twitter updates!

This last week, I was busy reading 140 articles/ columns/ blogposts, each of a length of about 1400 words (not characters) about one tweet from Shashi Tharoor! Each of these 140 thoughtful pieces of labour are worth a read and that is the singular reason of my not posting my thoughts about this tweet all this while.
Perhaps if one were to contest which other tweet posted on twitter since its formation has been so much written about in the print media/blogs/websites other than Twitter, this one certainly takes the cake …and perhaps the Guinness Book record too!

I decided not to post a single word about this much-hyped tweet from the much-admired public figure who is only just stepping into the political waters of India. Unless….unless..unless I really have something different to say from all that has already been said. So here I go and post one without really saying anything at all about the aforesaid tweet.

But it wasn’t long ago that a certain voluminous work of writing which was published by an Indian politician of repute was debated and done to death by the party to which he belonged without so much as reading it! And now it is this 140 character tweet (which I suppose but am not sure) that many have read in full, faced the same wrath as the former for simply using some imaginative colloquial figures of speech! So it is not the length of the text…aha!....that can arouse the sensibilities of the members of the public at large!
(Editor - Readers are requested not to confuse the words length and arouse and members in any other context otherwise unintended by this blogpost).

An answer to a book is a book and an answer to a tweet should be a tweet. So, this post is not an answer to the tweet. So what exactly is this post? Well, I had a nightmare! That the Government of India is planning to regulate and control humour – by forming a Ministry of Humor headed by ….by…by…I couldn’t figure out this guy …because I woke up in a sweat, just then!

To begin with an insertion in the oath: “I shall not hurt the sensibilities of the people of our land by using outlandish phrases, idioms, figures of speech or any kind of grammatical connotations that my countrymen are not familiar with or accustomed to. Nor shall I mock anyone under the pretext of being funny or humorous due to the edge i have over the others due to my knowledge or technological prowess....”
Fellow bloggers may help by supplementing in the comments section!

Going forward, newcomers may be handed out an introductory brief including a few tips compiled by some old timers which goes thus:
To avoid misunderstanding, pandemonium in assemblies resulting in hung parliaments, waste of newsprint, etc., do not use phrases in your tweets, press briefs, media appearances, interviews, like:
1. “barking up the wrong tree” – people may think you called them a dog…worse if it refers to a female fellow-politician, for reasons I am sure you will understand.
2. “his bark is worse than his bite” – for similar reasons
3. “it’s a dog’s life” – in any context for similar reasons
4. “Chewing the cud” or “ruminating” – it will have much the same effect as the well- known “holy cows”
5. “offering gems to swine” – especially intelligentsia coming into politics should avoid this phrase
6. “cleanse the Augean stables” – though it means bring about a reform in some public evil, which every politician must really strive to do, this phrase is banned
7. “ruffle a person’s feathers” – it would amount to calling one a bird or bird-brained depending on which party the offended politician belongs.
8. “a fish in troubled waters” - why not simply say a politician in troubled circumstances, instead of stirring up the oceans with this idiom?
9. “flutter the dovecotes” – though it means disturb the equanimity of a body of people , that is exactly what one will end up doing by using this phrase!
10. “kill two birds with one stone” – you could be tried for plotting a double murder!
11. “beard the lion” – meaning – resolutely approach your superior with a demand – but using this idiom could find your approach road cut once and for all!
12. “riding the high horse” – as in behaving high-handedly - but may be mistaken for reference to horse-trading in politics – using this phrase could cause you nightmares!
13. “a little bird told me” – an inherent risk of a new ministry being set up to investigate the possibility
14. “a white elephant” – to refer to burdensome expense of no value – but may be mistaken to refer to elephant statues and statues of other politicians
15. talking of elephants, don’t even use “Gr8” in your tweets – they may mean ‘Grrr’..for the figure of ‘8’ and might irk the sensibilities of prominent figures like Jayanti Natarajan et al! It is always better to be cautious of such possibilities, you know.

I hope I did have the last word on this one tweet without really saying anything about it!
Could you call something that has been so much written about a mere tweet?

Blogger’s Postscript: If you want to read all the 140 articles about the tweet, try Googling “Shashi Tharoor cattle class holy cow tweet articles columns blogposts” and see for yourself.

I said Googling! Not Go ogling! Damn our sensibilities!

The Giver of Joys

When visiting government offices, one expects a grumpy-faced, never-in-the-mood, fastidious person at the desk. But when you find a radiant, smiling, cheerful person bursting with energy and enthusiasm sitting in his place, one begins wondering whether you have arrived at the right place or not?! It is this very characteristic effervescence that prompts bosses in his office to assign the responsibility of receiving all foreign dignitaries and escorting them around the most prestigious export manufacturing enterprises set up in SEEPZ in Mumbai. He puts all his charm and knowledge into his conversation, interspersing it with historic facts, which perhaps can be attributed to his interest in archaeology.

For someone who always entertained colleagues by singing on-stage at annual functions or every opportune occasion or lightening up the atmosphere with his wise-cracks even on any other work day, it is but natural to be sporting enough to participate in all events be it sports, social gatherings or musical evenings with his broad smile and ‘ready to play along’ attitude.

Having observed various interesting traits in him, which are not so common in many of us, especially those working in the government offices, one is tempted to ask him - what other interests does he have? Apart from being a good singer – he had been singing on stage with many artistes in his younger days with musical troupes and shared the stage and recording rooms with the likes of Sonu Nigam, Udit Narayan et al – he has been a keen sports enthusiast, especially cricket, he tells me.

Udit Narayan with our Good Samaritan

“What else?”, I was tempted to ask. “Social work” he replied.

“Society has isolated some unfortunate people from the others, simply because fate has been cruel with them, and has denied them the opportunity to celebrate festivals and enjoy life as normal beings. They are shunned by literate, knowledgeable, enlightened, educated people into leading a life of a loner. I love to go to such places, like the Homes for the Aged, Remand homes for street children or Hospitals for Leprosy patients, where people sulk in their own misery, lose hope and crave for someone to come and ask them ‘How are you today?’ ‘Come on, it is festival time, let us celebrate!’ They like me coming over to share a few moments of fun and laughter with them. I entertain them so that they forget their woes, even if it is only for short while. They feel that there is someone who wants us to be happy, wants to talk to us, wants to see us dance and sing!”

Some even wanted to begin celebrating their birthday with him! Perhaps they want to live longer only because they know he will certainly come again! Every Christmas finds our good Samaritan disguise himself as a Santa Claus and do the rounds of the Acworth Municipal Leprosy Hospital at Wadala in Mumbai, where the lesser fortunate ones wait for his arrival at every occasion. When word went around how one kind-hearted soul makes them dance and sing at parties, some celebrities and wealthy industrialists wanted to organize parties they just had to have him around! So when he visited the leprosy hospital in his civil dress, on the insistence of a well-known celebrity, who accompanied him incognito, the inmates wanted to know: “Why didn’t you come here on Christmas day? We had a ball here! You should have been here - you missed it all!”

As Santa Claus posing with the leprosy patients


Urging them to dance with him at the XMas party


Oh they are all dancing now!

That was indeed a dilemma – he must have hoped he could duplicate himself with a human copier so that he could accompany himself to the Xmas Party! But that is what we too may hope for – so that we can use such a device to duplicate such benevolent souls to spread the joy around!

On the occasion of the Joy of Giving Week, scheduled to be observed from September 27th to Oct 2nd 2009, I feature this story as a tribute to the Giver Of Joys, Mr. Chandrakant Birhade, hoping to spread the message about how ordinary folks can share their joys and devote some time for a good social cause! It aint only about money.

The Giver of Joy, Chandrakant Birhade, who needs no special week for bringing himself and many others joy in this world!

Let us conclude with the wise words of Mother Teresa, who spent large part of her lifetime in the care of leprosy patients.

'The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted.'
- Mother Teresa

Post-Script: Read about Acworth Municipal Leprosy Hospital, Wadala, Mumbai 400 031 Dr. WS Bhatki, Tel: 24147256 / 24150355

Doing the Write Stuff!

It is not unusual to find oneself suddenly being engulfed in lots of activities!

Just when I decided to begin a separate blog dealing with the intricate, paradoxical, debatable subject of Foreign Trade Policy developments and their effect on trade and industry, I had an old collegemate call on me telling me about the troubles he had to go through in life. The events he described had so many twists and turns that it could put any bollywood blockbuster to shame.

"Write a book on my life events - it will be a hit!" he suggested, "I know you can do it". So I began with a short summary and send it off to him.

Another acquaintance who came out as an enterprising soul, who learnt about my love for writing soon revealed to me some interesting aspects of his life and I said "Wow! I never knew you...." Soon I would want to write about his noble deeds.
"I want the write-up to touch the readers hearts and make them feel like contributing to society, I know you can do that" he says. I hope to do justice, i think as i leave him with promises.

Back at my desk, I find an invitation to write for a new blog, a novel concept in which one has got to write his/her thoughts on a chosen India-related subject in just 140 words! Twitter - 140 characters. India-tweets - 140 words!

What do i do write the twisting-turning story with blockbuster potential?
Write about the kind-hearted deeds of the acquantance? Work on my professional trade-shade stuff?

The next thing that happens i find an email from blogger-friend Sakhi who has published her first book of short stories! Read about it here .

Great work! Congratulations! I wish her and begin wondering whether publishing my book is the end of a journey or the beginning of one? After publishing my First Artickles Book", I have been able to sell 3 copies of my book all in all - one via Pothi.com and 2 personally!

My good friend Anil, who knows everything, tells me, "If you havent praised Raavan or Hitler or Jinnah...nor have you hurt the feelings of this sect or the other...your book has nothing in it that makes it worthy of banning it or better still burning it...how do you expect to...again you're not a Jaswant or an Advani in fact you're not even a Praveen Mahajan!!??..."

I am convinced "I understand..I understand...but I still do hope someone buys it for some laughs it offers and for gifting it to someone who has sparce access to the internet...
Do buy my First Artickles Book!"

That's also when work beckons! Yells out to me and tells me there is some time-bound projects to attend to and all my thoughts vanish. Suddenly I begin to believe i cant do any of the stuff, i wanted to - at least not now - maybe sometime later.

So i wait for this weekend but all i can manage to do is to post my first 140-word India-tweet post! Check it out here.

Proud to be part of India-tweets! Thanks,Vinod Sharma!

Domesticating the Wild

While watching the video footage on television channels , of the Maharashtra state Minister of Agriculture, Balasaheb Thorat entering and fondling a wild animal, several thoughts and memories came to my mind.

While the media is busy finding fault with the minister with good intentions and blames him for violating the Central Zoo Authority rules, I choose to venture beyond and probe the behaviour of tiger cub.

The docile retraction of the domesticated feline inmate seemed to be a result of confined captivity. Instead of roaring and plunging at the intruders, the poor little thing preferred to be cuddled and fondled for its national audience. A huge disappointment for viewers, expecting a ferocious attack, demanding its rightful share of rugged, wild environs.

Just what exactly would have been at stake for this once-called-wild cat? Was it afraid of losing its new-found and most-loved possession, its cage? Once habituated to a cage in the zoo, where food is delivered at the appointed hour, an animal fears the challenges of the wild and becomes incapable of hunting for its own food, a fact one finds adeptly explained in Yann Martel’s book, Life of Pi.

Was the animal petrified by the entry of the most dangerous of animals, a human being? That too, a politician – a state minister! After poaching on the common man, all their life, this breed takes pride in poaching on wild animals in national forests as their primary leisurely activity.

Human beings have been responsible for causing the destruction of forests and poaching its tigers, did the animal in captivity fear the worst? Was it not a good time to spring at the powerful authority and register its protest for holding it in captivity and appeal to the general public “Mujhe aur mere jungle ko bachaao!”?

With the promise of a national audience by way of media cameras, several causes that deserved public attention could have been highlighted. Why then did it have to chose to sulk under the glare of the camera like a participant of the reality show, “Sach Ka Saamna”? Inspite of being blessed with the inability to speak, the animal had nothing to fear. Was it not the Minister who ought to have feared the truth serum, if at all?

The incident reminded one of a visit to the Sanjay Gandhi National Park in Mumbai, some years ago with my wife’s cousin and her little ones. While we were watching a leopard perched majestically, atop a low tree at the centre of a huge cage, a youngster standing besides us called out to him "Rajaaaah”. The animal immediately recognized his jungle call and seemed delighted to hear his voice. He came prancing excitedly like a child, and got himself fondled by the caller through the net mesh of the enclosure, until what seemed like eternity. “I have fed him since he was born, but I had to leave the city for my village” the charming visitor explained to us. He invited us to pet him while he held him by his nose and we felt somewhat elated by that experience! After thanking him for this unusual opportunity to fondle the wild cat, we left feeling enriched.

There have been numerous stories about animals not forgetting people who have tended to them in their childhood or period of ill-health. Similar stories can be found on the internet. One such incident about a lion embracing a female attendant who had nursed him back to health can be seen here.

We, human beings: evolved, civilized, educated, sophisticated, advanced, liberated, blessed with superior abilities, ends up easily forgetting the hand that feeds and nurtures. There’s certainly a lot for us to learn from the lesser ones amongst us -these animals!

Innovative Hoarding and Ad impacts

Advertisements impact our lives. Not just in forming our purchasing habits, but also in changing the way we think and live. Some ads boost our morale, while some simply entertain. But when a new mobile service had the daunting task of announcing their arrival on the Mumbai airwaves scene, Aircel broke into new ground. Have you ever seen an outdoor hoarding been put to use by the general public? Kudos to Primesite, Aircel’s ad agency for being innovative when they put up this hoarding near the Milan Subway, which provided a inflatable raft, which could be used when the place gets flooded. “In case of emergency - cut the rope”, said the hoarding.


Milan subway has been a landmark – always submerged once Mumbai experiences rains. All TV channels have begun camping here since the last 4-5 years. So when the water rose waist high, the lay public here did cut the rope as you may read here. We can only hope that whenever we are likely to face any adversity or difficulties, there is always some help available at close quarters.


Last night I met my friend from New Delhi, who told me that our honorable Prime Minister has been greatly influenced by another telecom ad, Idea Cellular - “An idea can change your life”.

How can you say that, I asked. “Well, the latest Idea Cellular ad keeps saying walk and talk all the time. So our PM has walked, though former minister, Yeshwant Sinha alleges ‘not just half the way but all the way to the Pak camp’, though all may not agree here” he said, “and…and… he also wants to talk – walk and talk, walk and talk, walk and talk!”

“Ahaaa!” I say, upon being enlightened.

“Our PM has been toying with several ideas ever since”, he continued, "Having roped in Nandan Nilekani, the corporate head honcho of Infosys into his fold, the PM checked on him whether he could work on a computer program that could generate error-free, trouble-free joint statements in future!"

“While Nandan has begun working on the development of this computer program of great national importance, our PM has been working on other ideas that can change our life”

“Such as?”, I ask eagerly.

“He wants a mind reading machine to read the scheming minds of our neighbours, who keep bumping into us at Sharm-El-Shaikh or wherever”

“Oh, that would be of great help!” I exclaim.

“Well that is exactly what everyone in the Indian Government also exclaimed – you know if they ever knew what our PM was thinking about or contemplating – we could have averted this bad drafting episode”, he said.

“We have such great people capable of drafting here in India” I added enthusiastically, hoping our PM would, sooner than later, send out word for me, though I know there would be many in the fray.

“I am completely in agreement with our PM that we must keep talking to Pak, keep them engaged”, he said.

“How about sending a team consisting of Navjot Singh Siddhu, Rakhi Sawant, Cyrus Broacha, Karan Thapar, Shekhar Suman….they can all talk until eternity, cant they?” I asked. Feeling outsmarted by this one, my friend sensed it was time to leave.

“Stay on, tell me some more inside stuff, dear friend”, I coaxed him.

He then pulled me closer, in a hushed voice confided:
“Our PM had been waiting for a SIM card from the US, which Hillary Clinton delivered during her visit here recently – nobody knows this - not even the media”

“A SIM card? Why do we need a SIM Card, don’t we have several of them here?” I asked.

“This is a special one for our country ................
the Superpower-In-Making Card for India”, he concluded.

So that we can walk with our head high....and talk, I thought!
What an idea Sirji!

Blogger's Postscripts:
1. This blog does not encourage you to walk while you talk on the cellphone. There have been several criticisms about this ad campaign - the unsafe manner in which pedestrians are busy talking on cellphones without being watchful of vehicles or potholes on the roads could be disastrous. My personal choice is not to walk when you talk.

Read more about the walk and talk about talks with Pak head straight to my friend, Vinod Sharma's blogpost here.

An announcement

Do read an important announcement about the inauguration of a special school in my "Small Steps along the way" Blog here.