Having been fortunate enough to have landed a job in a progressive manufacturing organization that opted for computerization quite early in my career, it would seem strange to find oneself struggling to cope with features of the smart phone. My early tech-savviness may have helped me to learn how to use the features offered by the early versions of the cell phones, but “smart phones” are highly evolved species, I guess. I avoided the touch-screen variety and settled for the simplest form masquerading as a ‘smartphone’. It comes with a QWERTY-keypad and is the most affordable one available in the marketplace – just so that I can keep a tab on my emails to perform my professional duties. But this ‘smart’ move turned out to be the last ‘smart’ thing i ever did on my own – apparently.
Thereafter, my smartphone took over my mind and life - it decided all that I would do or would not. Can’t blame one’s spouse for the envy and hatred, can you? Smart phones possess all the qualities that are necessary to capture the owner’s attention all day - a worthy candidate of being the
“Woh” in a potential remake of the old Hindi movie
“Pati, Patni aur Woh”! Unlike the earlier mobiles I had purchased, this one was pre-loaded with some
‘apps’! Apps is short for ‘applications’, for the uninitiated. Basically, they are attractive looking icons that are extremely seductive – you end up clicking on these icons and believing that they will do wonders for you! One small problem: one doesn’t
exactly know what they do!?! Several hours were spent exploring the features that came with the phone –but there still are several icons that one has yet to figure out the purpose or utility of, even to this day. I tried looking for a book titled
“How to use a smartphone for dummies” - but to no avail.
The GPS app meant for navigation was the first to catch my fancy. On my way to office, I tried it out – and was amazed at the results! I would never be lost, I told myself! Until a business meeting scheduled at an unknown location
really tested the app – “Darn! If only I had asked the corner
paanwala for directions”, I muttered to myself as I rushed in over half an hour late! That did not discourage me to make the ‘smart’ gadget work wonders for me – I had to catch up with my friends and colleagues who were way ahead with their gizmos. I began reading articles in newspapers, magazines and websites about the wonderful apps that could tell me where to go if I craved for a Japanese sushi or a Mediterranean meal in Mumbai or the closest place i could have a sauna – all of which never really need!
Soon enough, I was apps-fixated! Newspaper supplements featured reviews of various apps, like book and film reviews - that could drive away mosquitoes; one that puts one to sleep; can monitor your morning walk; suggest you a better posture to avoid back pain and also claim to read minds! My search for the ‘app’ of my eyes led me to hours of online surfing on online stores of my mobile phone manufacturer and service provider. The result - a big fat bill for the first month! I didn’t need an app to tell me my heart had skipped some beats on seeing the damage to my finances!
A quick trip to the service center revealed that I had not got the “right data package” for my (rising) surfing needs, so one had to subscribe to a suitable data package to handle heavier downloads! That done, one was ready to surf the web again without worry of high bills, one thought! I began posting tweets and updated my FB status from my new smartphone – but soon, mysterious pop-up messages kept popping up! “Try highly rated apps?”
Not willing to be out-smarted by these new smart devices, I hurriedly clicked “No” each time it appeared. But who was I to take these decisions? My trusted ‘smartphone’ always did that for me, having completely surrendered to it, isn’t it? Within minutes, I got an SMS: “Thank you for downloading Top Ten Android games, you have been charged Rs. 99/- for the same”. But I had not requested for any games download - and did not know what to do! Was there an app to tell me what I should do should an unrequested download be forced down my throat? Over the weekend I received several dozen SMSes “thanking” me for downloading games, puzzles, online-tutorials, matrimonial services, marriage counseling advice, career guidance tips, astrologer’s advice, numerologist’s suggestions, IQ/EQ tests, stock tips – all of which I did not seek - nor order – and certainly did not intend to pay for!
Then it dawned on me: My smart-phone works for my service provider! I switched off my smartphone -
I sensed that I was completely apps-phyxiated – a feeling of suffocation caused by apps! But had to switch it on again for I could not live without it either! I sent out SOS messages to my friends on
WhatsApp – the latest addicting messaging service only to be advised more apps! An imaginary ad flashed through my mind: That of
aged-looking Ranbir Kapoor look-alike serving me an exotic dish at a café, that I had not ordered at all and coming with a hefty bill for it! I rushed to the service providers “gallery” with only one last request:
“Could I please have just this one final app : ‘ShutApp’?!” - with the hope that it would shut all other apps with just one click and return my life back to me!
Blogger's Post-Script: After a brief period of "app-detox" forced upon me by my service provider's malfunction, I am back to my mobile-surfing in moderation. The invitation from Indiblogger to participate in an app-tasting event is too tempting to resist! Hope to see you all there!
Parting Shot: Mamata Bannerjee is the latest to have an app custom-made for herself: It's called "Spot-the- Maoist" app!
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