The Tweet that wasn't!

Glad to find this post chosen for the Tangy Tuesday Picks

When I first encountered the phenomenon, I had no inclination to share with the world the answer to their question posed to me: “What are you doing?”! Why would someone want to know what I am up to? How would it help if someone knew that I was racking my brains for the next blogpost while my wife actually wanted me to get up and fetch the plumber. Would my follower come to my rescue? Suggest me an idea or better still fetch me that much-needed plumber and save our family from drowning….???

So it is with this characteristic disbelief in the power of a tweet that I joined Twitter and began telling the world what I was reading, what I was thinking and what I was doing. Thankfully Twitter did not expect me to tell the world what I was not doing! Like not paying attention to what my wife was saying or not paying my bills or insurance premia or whatever-it-is-that-ought-to-be-done. So the world could know about this only from my humor blog and not from twitter updates!

This last week, I was busy reading 140 articles/ columns/ blogposts, each of a length of about 1400 words (not characters) about one tweet from Shashi Tharoor! Each of these 140 thoughtful pieces of labour are worth a read and that is the singular reason of my not posting my thoughts about this tweet all this while.
Perhaps if one were to contest which other tweet posted on twitter since its formation has been so much written about in the print media/blogs/websites other than Twitter, this one certainly takes the cake …and perhaps the Guinness Book record too!

I decided not to post a single word about this much-hyped tweet from the much-admired public figure who is only just stepping into the political waters of India. Unless….unless..unless I really have something different to say from all that has already been said. So here I go and post one without really saying anything at all about the aforesaid tweet.

But it wasn’t long ago that a certain voluminous work of writing which was published by an Indian politician of repute was debated and done to death by the party to which he belonged without so much as reading it! And now it is this 140 character tweet (which I suppose but am not sure) that many have read in full, faced the same wrath as the former for simply using some imaginative colloquial figures of speech! So it is not the length of the text…aha!....that can arouse the sensibilities of the members of the public at large!
(Editor - Readers are requested not to confuse the words length and arouse and members in any other context otherwise unintended by this blogpost).

An answer to a book is a book and an answer to a tweet should be a tweet. So, this post is not an answer to the tweet. So what exactly is this post? Well, I had a nightmare! That the Government of India is planning to regulate and control humour – by forming a Ministry of Humor headed by ….by…by…I couldn’t figure out this guy …because I woke up in a sweat, just then!

To begin with an insertion in the oath: “I shall not hurt the sensibilities of the people of our land by using outlandish phrases, idioms, figures of speech or any kind of grammatical connotations that my countrymen are not familiar with or accustomed to. Nor shall I mock anyone under the pretext of being funny or humorous due to the edge i have over the others due to my knowledge or technological prowess....”
Fellow bloggers may help by supplementing in the comments section!

Going forward, newcomers may be handed out an introductory brief including a few tips compiled by some old timers which goes thus:
To avoid misunderstanding, pandemonium in assemblies resulting in hung parliaments, waste of newsprint, etc., do not use phrases in your tweets, press briefs, media appearances, interviews, like:
1. “barking up the wrong tree” – people may think you called them a dog…worse if it refers to a female fellow-politician, for reasons I am sure you will understand.
2. “his bark is worse than his bite” – for similar reasons
3. “it’s a dog’s life” – in any context for similar reasons
4. “Chewing the cud” or “ruminating” – it will have much the same effect as the well- known “holy cows”
5. “offering gems to swine” – especially intelligentsia coming into politics should avoid this phrase
6. “cleanse the Augean stables” – though it means bring about a reform in some public evil, which every politician must really strive to do, this phrase is banned
7. “ruffle a person’s feathers” – it would amount to calling one a bird or bird-brained depending on which party the offended politician belongs.
8. “a fish in troubled waters” - why not simply say a politician in troubled circumstances, instead of stirring up the oceans with this idiom?
9. “flutter the dovecotes” – though it means disturb the equanimity of a body of people , that is exactly what one will end up doing by using this phrase!
10. “kill two birds with one stone” – you could be tried for plotting a double murder!
11. “beard the lion” – meaning – resolutely approach your superior with a demand – but using this idiom could find your approach road cut once and for all!
12. “riding the high horse” – as in behaving high-handedly - but may be mistaken for reference to horse-trading in politics – using this phrase could cause you nightmares!
13. “a little bird told me” – an inherent risk of a new ministry being set up to investigate the possibility
14. “a white elephant” – to refer to burdensome expense of no value – but may be mistaken to refer to elephant statues and statues of other politicians
15. talking of elephants, don’t even use “Gr8” in your tweets – they may mean ‘Grrr’..for the figure of ‘8’ and might irk the sensibilities of prominent figures like Jayanti Natarajan et al! It is always better to be cautious of such possibilities, you know.

I hope I did have the last word on this one tweet without really saying anything about it!
Could you call something that has been so much written about a mere tweet?

Blogger’s Postscript: If you want to read all the 140 articles about the tweet, try Googling “Shashi Tharoor cattle class holy cow tweet articles columns blogposts” and see for yourself.

I said Googling! Not Go ogling! Damn our sensibilities!

The Giver of Joys

When visiting government offices, one expects a grumpy-faced, never-in-the-mood, fastidious person at the desk. But when you find a radiant, smiling, cheerful person bursting with energy and enthusiasm sitting in his place, one begins wondering whether you have arrived at the right place or not?! It is this very characteristic effervescence that prompts bosses in his office to assign the responsibility of receiving all foreign dignitaries and escorting them around the most prestigious export manufacturing enterprises set up in SEEPZ in Mumbai. He puts all his charm and knowledge into his conversation, interspersing it with historic facts, which perhaps can be attributed to his interest in archaeology.

For someone who always entertained colleagues by singing on-stage at annual functions or every opportune occasion or lightening up the atmosphere with his wise-cracks even on any other work day, it is but natural to be sporting enough to participate in all events be it sports, social gatherings or musical evenings with his broad smile and ‘ready to play along’ attitude.

Having observed various interesting traits in him, which are not so common in many of us, especially those working in the government offices, one is tempted to ask him - what other interests does he have? Apart from being a good singer – he had been singing on stage with many artistes in his younger days with musical troupes and shared the stage and recording rooms with the likes of Sonu Nigam, Udit Narayan et al – he has been a keen sports enthusiast, especially cricket, he tells me.

Udit Narayan with our Good Samaritan

“What else?”, I was tempted to ask. “Social work” he replied.

“Society has isolated some unfortunate people from the others, simply because fate has been cruel with them, and has denied them the opportunity to celebrate festivals and enjoy life as normal beings. They are shunned by literate, knowledgeable, enlightened, educated people into leading a life of a loner. I love to go to such places, like the Homes for the Aged, Remand homes for street children or Hospitals for Leprosy patients, where people sulk in their own misery, lose hope and crave for someone to come and ask them ‘How are you today?’ ‘Come on, it is festival time, let us celebrate!’ They like me coming over to share a few moments of fun and laughter with them. I entertain them so that they forget their woes, even if it is only for short while. They feel that there is someone who wants us to be happy, wants to talk to us, wants to see us dance and sing!”

Some even wanted to begin celebrating their birthday with him! Perhaps they want to live longer only because they know he will certainly come again! Every Christmas finds our good Samaritan disguise himself as a Santa Claus and do the rounds of the Acworth Municipal Leprosy Hospital at Wadala in Mumbai, where the lesser fortunate ones wait for his arrival at every occasion. When word went around how one kind-hearted soul makes them dance and sing at parties, some celebrities and wealthy industrialists wanted to organize parties they just had to have him around! So when he visited the leprosy hospital in his civil dress, on the insistence of a well-known celebrity, who accompanied him incognito, the inmates wanted to know: “Why didn’t you come here on Christmas day? We had a ball here! You should have been here - you missed it all!”

As Santa Claus posing with the leprosy patients


Urging them to dance with him at the XMas party


Oh they are all dancing now!

That was indeed a dilemma – he must have hoped he could duplicate himself with a human copier so that he could accompany himself to the Xmas Party! But that is what we too may hope for – so that we can use such a device to duplicate such benevolent souls to spread the joy around!

On the occasion of the Joy of Giving Week, scheduled to be observed from September 27th to Oct 2nd 2009, I feature this story as a tribute to the Giver Of Joys, Mr. Chandrakant Birhade, hoping to spread the message about how ordinary folks can share their joys and devote some time for a good social cause! It aint only about money.

The Giver of Joy, Chandrakant Birhade, who needs no special week for bringing himself and many others joy in this world!

Let us conclude with the wise words of Mother Teresa, who spent large part of her lifetime in the care of leprosy patients.

'The biggest disease today is not leprosy or tuberculosis, but rather the feeling of being unwanted.'
- Mother Teresa

Post-Script: Read about Acworth Municipal Leprosy Hospital, Wadala, Mumbai 400 031 Dr. WS Bhatki, Tel: 24147256 / 24150355