My Chat with Einstein!

Nowadays, people meet up in webspace networking chat sites. I recently found some interesting folks in heaven logged in and willing to chat. I looked for my favourites and found none other than the legendary Albert Einstein!

I sent in my greetings...and we had a nice chat:

Me: "Sir! Mr. Albert Einstein! Hello, Sir!!!"
AE: "Huh.. Hullo"
Me: "I have a question"
AE: "Not about relativity, I hope"
Me: "No. I know nothing beyond E=MC^2"
AE: "Great, you know everything!"
Me: "I want to know about the interesting "Einstein Anecdotes".."
AE: "Oh... I have read some on the net recently..."
Me: "Sir, are they true?..."
AE: "That doesnt matter, they are more interesting and inspiring than my entire work in the field of Physics"
Me: "I love them, but I just wanted to know if there was any truth...."
AE: "Dont worry, If you love them, popularise them...
Me: "Ok, I will publish them in my Blog"
AE: "By the way, how much truth do you have on your blog, anyway? Go ahead, you have my permission. In return, I will popularise your Blog in the classes that I conduct in heaven"
Me: "Agree"
AE: "Deal Done!"

My part of the Deal below:
Einstein Anecdotes

Albert Einstein
Einstein, Albert (1879-1955) German-born American physicist, Nobel Prize recipient (Physics, 1921) [noted for his revolutionary special (1905) and general (1915) theories of relativity, which revolutionized human understanding of the nature of space and time and formed the theoretical basis for the exploitation of atomic energy; and for his various autobiographical and other works.

No Promise


IN 1898, young Albert Einstein applied for admission to the Munich Technical Institute and was turned down. The young man, the Institute declared, "showed no promise" as a student. By 1905, he had formulated his special theory of relativity.

Identity Crisis

SPEAKING at the Sorbonne during the 1930s, Einstein said, "If my relativity theory is verified, Germany will proclaim me a German and France will call me a citizen of the world. But if my theory is proved false, France will emphasize that I am a German and Germany will say that I am a Jew."


Relativity Explained!
Albert Einstein was often asked to explain the general theory of relativity. "Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour," he once declared. "Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity!"

Scientific Revolution

Albert Einstein was visited one day by one of his students. "The questions on this year's exam are the same as last year's!" the young man exclaimed. "Yes," Einstein replied, "but this year all the answers are different”


Simple Question?
One day during a speaking tour, Albert Einstein's driver, who often sat at the back of the hall during his lectures, remarked that he could probably give the lecture himself, having heard it so many times. Sure enough, at the next stop on the tour, Einstein and the driver switched places, with Einstein sitting at the back in his driver's uniform.
Having delivered a flawless lecture, the driver was asked a difficult question by a member of the audience. "Well, the answer to that question is quite simple," he casually replied. "I bet my driver, sitting up at the back there, could answer it..."

Young Einstein
Albert Einstein was a very late talker. At the dinner table one evening, he finally broke his long silence: "The soup is too hot," he complained. His parents, greatly relieved, asked him why he had never spoken before. "Because," he replied, "up to now everything has been in order."

Classic Einstein

One day Albert Einstein and an assistant found themselves searching for a paper clip with which to bind a newly-finished physics paper. Though they soon found one, it proved too badly misshapen to be used. While searching for a tool which could be used to straighten it they came across... a large box of paper clips.
Incredibly, Einstein opened the box, removed a new clip and promptly began to shape it into such a tool (to straighten the bent clip). His assistant, considerably puzzled, asked him why he was bothering to do this. "Once I am set on a goal," Einstein replied, "it becomes difficult to deflect me."

Charlie Chaplin and Einstein
IN 1931 Charlie Chaplin invited Albert Einstein, who was visiting Hollywood, to a private screening of his new film City Lights. As the two men drove into town together, passersby waved and cheered. Chaplin turned to his guest and explained:
"The people are applauding you because none of them understands you and applauding me because everybody understands me."



Human Stupidity

"Only two things are infinite - the universe and human stupidity," Einstein once remarked, "and I'm not sure about the former."

All above anecdotes have been posted on several books and websites with a footnote declaring that the anecdotes could be "Apocryphal" (of doubtful authenticity)

Albert Einstein kept his part of the deal and send me some evidence too... Seeing is believing, isnt it?



Apocryphal? Or just Digitally Creative?.

Note from Blogger: After pulling my own leg, post after post, it was time to give my sagging ego a leg up! Everyone needs one.

Human Beans!

By Gopinath Mavinkurve

My Medical Allowance Form was recently returned along with the Bills, with a small note from our HR Section, which read : “We are sorry to inform you that you cannot claim Medical Allowance and any Tax benefits with your Grocery Bills” It was only a mix-up - “I had picked up the wrong set of bills for filling up the form”, I explained…" This could be confirmed with the accounts department, who had received my petrol reimbursement claim with my medical bills attached!

Such goofing up is just part of my life. I was recently waiting to board a domestic flight at the Mumbai Airport, when my turn to check-in came, I casually handed over the bookmarks, which I often carry along with the books that I read on flights! “Boarding Pass, Please!”, thundered the Security guy at the check-in counter! I realized that I had kept them in my handbag, which had already gone through the screening machine, waiting for me to pick up at the other end!

For me, things begin happening early each day. I pick up the shaving cream tube instead of my toothpaste, when I need to brush my teeth and just the opposite happens moments later when I go for a shave. The darned tubes look so similar! So I have now switched my brands and place where I store them. Now, I shave with my shaving cream before my breakfast and brush my teeth with the toothpaste after my breakfast, without any mix-up whatsoever!

I can never mistake my shoe polish for my black hair dye, though! If you thought it is some “Poka-Yoke” measure against erring as the Japanese practice on their shopfloors, you’re mistaken. I simply do not use black hair dye. I have two sets of shoes, though, brown and black – and it is increasingly difficult to distinguish the two.

Since I am not so useful around work at home, I am entrusted with outside work like in the banks, post offices. Once when I set out with our Housing Society’s maintenance cheque to be deposited in the drop box near the gate and a letter to be posted in the Post Box around the corner, our Society’s accountant, a poor kindly soul, came back with the letter but how do I get that cheque back?

But then there are exceptions. I never ever go to my Dentist, when I really need to go to my Doctor. In fact I never go to my Dentist, even when I need to go to my Dentist!

With such instances to boast, my friends once suggested to me that I could claim to be the living inspiration behind the popular “Mr. Bean” and get some royalty money! In these times of competition, would I make it to this coveted title? Or may be there would be many claimants? After all isnt there a little “Mr. Bean” in every Human Bean? Err, Human Being, I mean?

Now for some pics for what happened when I set out to claim my royalty...

Mr. Bean was pleased to see me!




“What Nonsense!” he said when he heard my claim!
“You are just off the mark!” He said and made some faces like he always does!



“Can you not see so many people queued up outside, claiming to be my inspiration like you?"





PS: Humor often involves observations of the funny side of human behavior for which one needs a subject to direct the fun at. Who can it be? The best option, I was told, is to direct it to oneself. That way you don’t offend anyone, which is very important. I do make exceptions( like our beloved politicians) once in a while, though. So here I am pulling my own legs again!

Biometric Allergy – Mark My Presence!

Dear friends,

Since my last post, I have received several emails in appreciation of the “Password Phobia – Access Blues” in TOI. I would like to thank all those who wrote in. To many of my friends who have sent in their wishes even before and to some others who been thanking me through their chuckles and laughing-out-louds (or lols), while reading my “Artickles” are equally welcome and deeply satisfying to a humour writer like me.

A close friend and a senior person wished I should see him in his office. I obliged and called on him (an IT firm of repute). At the entrance, a notice put up by the IT Administration read: “Your Password should be as unique as you - Our data security is in everyone’s hands”. Mine certainly was, I thought…

When I told him I did not know how to thank you all for their wishes, all he said was, “Only one way - write more!”

So here I go on to thank you all…..

Biometric Allergy – Mark My Presence!

By Gopinath Mavinkurve

It was a coincidence that my “Access Blues” was published on 3rd July, 2008 in the TOI while sister publication, Mumbai Mirror reported of MLAs protesting the imminent introduction of the biometric system of attendance in the state legislature! The move was planned to prevent the reoccurrence of an unpalatable incident uncovered by journalists of attendance being recorded of an MLC Navnath Avhad lying in a comatose condition in a Pune hospital!

Their apprehension was that they would be called “Angootha Chhaap” (an illiterate)! Here I was pleading to the IT guys to grant me that very status and rid me of my predicament and look what I was up against – the entire local political fraternity! Of course, one must understand their point of view. Why oh why, should a politician who has struggled all his life and learnt to read and write his name furnish his powerful appendage for marking presence, when the entire fraternity is doing all the physical exercises with all its limbs, flesh, lungs and tongue to mark their presence all over the country?

How can we expect the honorable elected members of our Assemblies and Councils to extend their finger just to mark his presence? Would his fingers not be pre-occupied constantly pointing towards his opponents, including a certain foreign hand, worthy of his blame? I can only rush to explain that I am seeking entry into my own spaces, while the noble gentlemen are opposing the very idea of using the biometric system to record their presence!

Any citizen of this country would know that elected members of the respectable state and national houses do record their presence in the Parliament, Legislative Assembly or Council by banging on desks, throwing mikes and available paraphernalia at whosoever attract their ire by refusing to listen to their generous uttering and choose to exercise their own lung. They thereby record their presence on Primetime National TV Channels and even on some YouTube videos.

Such outrageous measures as Biometric system for marking attendance for people in high offices are only demeaning of their efforts to make an indelible mark on society and the common man. As for a poor scribe like me, hoping for the technology of finger-recognition access devices to gain access to my own spaces - I can only hope and pray that one day I shall enter my ATM, brimming with confidence, my chin up, thrusting my best finger forward, to withdraw my own hard earned money, without the fear of being branded “Angootha Chhaap”. After all, I am marking my presence and literacy in carbon prints in newspapers of repute!

After reading the report in the same day’s newspaper, my anxiety grew so I caught up with my IT friend who was kind enough to assure me that the recent political upheaval would not hinder the progress on the new technology which I was looking forward to sooner rather than later.

With this assurance I retired for the day and continued to dream…

Fast Forward to some years later, when I enter the ATM centres brimming with confidence with chin up and thrusting my best finger forward, to withdraw my own hard earned money. And a message would flash on the screen: “The fingerprint reading device is Out of Order! Inconvenience caused is regretted. You may however access your account by entering your last registered Password!”
“Grrr! Ugh! $#%^&*&^%”…. To the eternal glitches in IT, I surrender!!

My Password Phobia!

My Password Phobia

By Gopinath Mavinkurve

Published in the Times of India on 3rd July 2008

Link: http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Editorial/Access_Blues/articleshow/3190014.cms

The complete version of my article is below – only for my blog readers!

I suspect the world is conspiring against me to block me from my bank accounts, my email accounts, my blog account, my own spaces. As soon as I approach any Bank ATM, I suffer from a panic attack… will I remember my current password? Or will I be “Denied Access!” to my own accounts and shunted out like an intruder?

It is not that my organization skills are at fault. I have stored all my passwords carefully, from where only I can access them. But the trouble is, I do not remember where! My email accounts also offer me such bouts of anxiety. Having to deal with numerous such alphabets, numbers and characters, I am challenged, much the same way, as the protagonist, Ishaan was, in the movie “Taare Zameen Par”. These characters start dancing to the tune of “Bam Bam Bole” in front of my eyes!

Finally, I decided to rein in these dancing characters down to my secret excel sheet, containing my passwords. One fine morning, after I was done with this task, I heaved a sigh of relief. But the secret excel sheet would need a password for access! And where do you think I stored this password? In the same excel file, where else? My life is a Maze! How amaze-ing!

My office has a password policy requires me to change passwords every month. It has to have more than 8 characters, with alpha and numeric characters as well as a special character thrown in for good measure. The changed password needs to be substantially different and you cannot repeat any of the last four passwords which I have used! I am told that it is for the security of the information contained in my emails! This practice is now spreading thanks to well-intentioned IT guys, who are putting up the pop-up message “Your current password has expired! Please change your password to continue.”

I am now required to update my secret excel sheet whenever I encounter this pop-up message!. So that is another thing I have got to remember to do from time to time. The only feature that comes to my help, in times of trouble, is the facility put up for the mentally challenged people like me: “Forgot your Password? Enter your Date of Birth and your Mother’s Maiden name”.

Ever since my Hard Disk crashed, all efforts to revive the excel sheet failed despite all efforts by the recovery specialist. Our IT head foresees better times for me in the future. He expects fingerprinting-recognition technology and eye-recognition technology devices to replace the Password-based access to ATMs and computers. I am eagerly waiting for these crazy characters to be consigned to the Recycle Bin when I shall jump up with joy and proclaim, “Look Ma, No Passwords!”

Send your feedback, either “!!!!!!!!!” or “^$@%$*@!” - to my email address: g_mavinkurve@hotmail.com. I may just be able to access it, if my stars are in the right position!