Dealing with a Four letter F-word

It is high time we dealt with this four letter F-word! Well, I am not referring to the one that is being commonly used to express surprise, shock, anger, awe or all of it at the same time. I am talking about the other 4-letter F-word, which is about the emotion that we all have experienced sometime or the other, Fear!

In early childhood, one may have observed that a young one is usually free from fear. You may be perched at the edge of a high fence or wall, or you may be about to touch the hot tea kettle - you aren’t scared! But could we call it bravery? Certainly not! Being unaware of the dangers can be damaging. So at this very early stage in life, that parents and well-wishers rush in to make the child aware of the impending dangers and be wary of them to protect the tender young one.

Again as a child, does one fear other people? Certainly not! A child normally trusts that the world is full of just the angels they wanted to meet – except, of course, when someone is aggressive. But don’t we want our kids to learn that certain things are, strictly, no-no? “Don’t touch that crystal – it cost us a fortune!”, you yell at the child, for you know how many day’s wages it cost you to buy it and you don’t want him to drop it and break such a lovely possession. It wouldn’t be long before the little imp learns to cope with high decibel levels and continues to do just what he wanted to – pick up that crystal - and throw it!

So your effort to control the child’s behavior has just failed and the child has just learnt how to overcome the “fear” of a yelling adult? Time to look for a better and more effective method, you tell yourself. How about spanking? Or punishing the child, maybe? You are at your wits’ end, nevertheless. You are yet to discover the really effective means to discipline your child, when it is time for the child to go to play-school. Now you have other folks, such as teachers or school administrators, who would be willing to share the responsibility of “formatting” your child to the worldly ways.

But are we as adults at our wits’ end, when it comes to meting out punishments to little ones? Instances of beating up children, making them stand in the hot sun, with bricks on their shoulder, for one. And several such instances.

Is it not time that parents, teachers, educationist and child psychologists got together and listed out punishments that are OK and those that are not?

This is not to deny that efforts are being made to address this issue.

Teachers who are indulging in such incidents are also being dealt with firmly of late.


Do schools have guidelines about how teachers could punish students or how they ought not to? If not, it is high time they did! I feel like conducting a survey on the schools around and find out if they had such dos and donts about the methods of punishment to erring students! In these days of awareness, when the Government has introduced ads on visual media to deal with domestic violence (Knock the door campaign), is it not time to also discourage violence meted out to children in schools?

Once out of school, it is time to join college, perceived to be a fun place, where teachers don’t rap on knuckles or fling dusters anymore. One is not so sure whether the child’s “formatting” was complete or not, but you sure did pass the exams and stuff. So off you go to college – to have fun! But one wonders what one’s idea of fun really is? If it is cracking jokes in the canteen in that occasional time off accruing out of an unwell professor or slipping away to a multiplex near your college once in a while, that may be quite what one expected. But “fun” could mean different things to different people – especially your seniors!

Their idea of fun could be ragging younger newcomers - and that could spell trouble for you! I am not sure how rampant is this practice of ragging, but some extreme cases of violence that get reported by the media, give us an impression that students are certainly crossing borders when it comes to the scale of brutality and cruelty involved in the cases reported. Some college students, however do reveal about some mild forms, like making them dance for a song or some such trivial fun session – certainly not the kind which turns “real fun” into its ugly anagram - “funeral”.

Such gory incidents have been reported recently, notably, that of young Aman Kachhroo. But, after reading the reports about these incidents, one begins to believe that these cases are not just incidents of ragging, but something beyond that – perhaps, persistent bullying. These criminal acts of assault on innocent juniors would certainly be dealt with by the police suitably, I have no doubt about that, but what are we doing to avoid these incidents from happening?

Aman’s father, Rajendra Kachhroo, has begun the “Aman Movement” and several steps have been taken since the spate of events have occurred recently. The President Smt, Pratibha Patil has also written to the Governors of all states as reported here.

Also, a recent news item talks about UGC’s plans to have a toll-free national level call centre as a “Ragging Helpline” being set up to help those in distress on account of this growing menace.

It is with this background that one realizes that the child had not been taught in school, about how to deal with bullies! How come a handful of bullies terrorize so many younger students and harass them endlessly in the college campus? Hey, but weren’t we busy teaching the child to fear all along? Shouldn’t we spare a thought about how the child would cope with bullies in college campuses and prepare them to face such situations?

Isn’t it time to introduce courses and discussion forums to embolden the child, so that one gathers courage to speak up against the scourge of bullying and deal with this menace more effectively? Personally, I think it is very important to address this issue – perhaps as important as sex education in schools, the importance of which is being stressed upon by one and all.

The world is yet to learn to cope with terrorists, extremists, tyrants, scamsters, criminals, dadagiri, and what-have-you – all bullies of a kind! Special trainers, who inspire victims of this form of abuse to collectively confront such bullies. Experts are needed, who may equip youngsters to deal with toughies and help set up a forum in every educational institute to counsel the offending brute. Indeed, the need of the hour!

Bloggers’ Postscript: I had been wanting to write about this for a long time. I had been posting my rare serious posts elsewhere, especially in Tickled by Life website. So after I uploaded this article on that website, I felt the only way to reach out to all my regular readers would be by posting this article in full here! Friends, this is just tickling of another kind, as I have learnt!