The Baap Trap!

The Joint Commissioner of Police, Mumbai Shri K L Prasad’s statement “Mumbai kisike baap ka nahin” (meaning, Mumbai is not the property of anyone’s father) brought out the individuality in all Mumbaikars (a resident of Mumbai), like never before. The statement stirred up a hornet’s nest among local politicians.

A historian was quick to point out that Bombay, as Mumbai was called then, was Catherine of Braganza’s Father’s. Until he gave it away to Charles II’s as dowry in 1661. From 1661 to 1668 it was Charles II’s child’s father’s, I would suffice it to say, since my hours of google-searching did not yield Charles II’s child’s name. But, Charles II did not want the trouble of ruling these islands, Bombay was made part of the British East India Company in 1668 by way of lease.

There is no evidence of it being of anyone’s father’s thereafter.

What came to my mind when all TV channels flashed the Police Chief’s uttering verbatim, that evening was, “Just hope it was someone’s!” One always lived on the hope that someone would own up the maximum city, instead of being nobody’s, or nobody’s baap’s (father’s). Everybody’s would be even better! It would help overcome the “Kiske baap ka kya jaata hai? Attitude”, which has been comically translated to “Whose Father’s What Goes? Attitude”.

In Mumbai, it is believed that to learn how to swear, one needs to drive on its streets. Every driver believes that the road belongs to him, and the moment someone gets in “his” way, it is time to emerge from behind the wheel to give others a piece of one’s mind. Flashpoint is reached within a few seconds and choicest abuses follow, drawing reference to one’s parentage, without any gender bias whatsoever. But then no argument is complete without the mandatory “Yeh rasta tere baap ka hai kya?” meaning, “Is this road your father’s?” But asking whether the road was his would just not make the Mumbai mark! It would not get the intended impact on the opponent and the crowd would be so disappointed.

Whether the yelling match proceeds to the next level of exchanging physical blows depends on their muscle power, adrenaline flow and the urge for PDA, public display of anger, in this case. Finally one explains everyone that had it not been for the other getting to his “baap”, one would have endured any insult on oneself. With this background, one needs to understand the inability to bear anything being said about one’s baap.

If a driver thinks the road belongs to him, so does the pedestrian, the children who live there and the hawker. In fact, it also belongs to the future generations wanting to live in this city, because, no matter what happens to the world economy, the builders wouldn’t bring down prices to affordable levels for the common Mumbaikar. That brings future generations out on the street with the street dog.

It is joked that when a Mumbai dog ventures out to other cities, he is recognized by his habit of wagging his tail vertically, due to the lack of space around in Mumbai. It may be due to the “think vertical” campaign for developing the city. Some street dwellers are now thinking vertically, too - of settling in their humble pad - in potholes - two levels below the national highway!

Another popular joke tells about a Mumbaikar who approached a Chennai Traffic policeman to seek directions, during his brief stay there.
“Tamil teriyamma?” asked the traffic cop.

The amchi Mumbai manoos thought he said “Tamil teri amma” and promptly retorded with “Hindi Tera Baap!”
Since half of Chennai does not understand Hindi and the rest pretend not to, he topped it up with “Hindi Tera Poora Khaandaan” for good measure and felt victorious!

Though the question “Whose Mumbai is it anyway?” may have done the rounds. But if one were to ask what Mumbai is when compared to other Indian cities, all Mumbaikars would predictably join in a chorus to declare,
“Mumbai To Baap Hai, Bhai!”.

One would not dare to say “Mumbai mere baap ki hai”, even if one’s father would really say “Mumbai is mine” - in a sense of belonging. It has been our hope that everyone does own up Mumbai as one’s own. If that were to happen, it would then be everybody’s.

The Top Cop would still repeat the same line, though he would actually mean to say “Mumbai Sabhi ki hai, kisi ek ki nahin”, meaning, "Mumbai is everybody's not any one person's"
But by dropping the “baap”, he would just not make the cut as a true-deep-blue Mumbaikar. He would still be questioned by you-know-who as to who was he, to declare “Mumbai is everybody’s?”

The self appointed moral police, (or should we say moral ministry?), would continue to tell our Top Cop,
“Papa, Don’t Breach!!”

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